January 1—2, 2006


ONE WINGED ANGEL My mummy says I'm more specialler than Confused Pirate! Yeah, but mums have to say that.

PSYCHEDELIC GLOOM The weather today is as cold as a pilchard, which is also cold. I'm as frozen as a fish finger.



SARCASM'S MY LIFE Please put me on the first page. I'm new and mad. How about page 2? You should fit in on here.

SAMURAI HEDGEHOG If you play a country song backwards, the wife comes home and the hole in the roof fixes itself. Sounds cheaper than paying a roofer.

THE EVIL PENGUIN OVERLORD Merry Xmas everyone, and I hope you all get eaten by a giant purple hamster. Evil laugh. Peace and goodwill to you too, nutter.



People are becoming stupider with each generation, I think. Or perhaps it's the social groups they belong to, I don't particularly know. But every scally, townie or chav I know seems to have a negative IQ.

Which comes first though? Do they know they are stupid so they enlist, or does this intelligence loss come as soon as Adidas pants are donned?

Elden Ray

Burberry baseball caps have been known to induce stupidity.



You are lost in the pixellated castle of doom.
If you want to go north, turn to page 274.
If you want to shave the nearby goat for kicks, turn to page 143.
If you feel pretty, oh so pretty, you should possibly pick up a book on musicals instead.

Freshly Squeezed Cynic (has been eaten by a grue)

The goat shaving sounds good to me.



Me:You can't arrest me for that - I want to see my lawyer
Pedro:I'm here!
Me:My other lawyer
Mr T:Here I am!
Me:I'm screwed.

The moral of the story, never let Pedro or Mr T become lawyers.

Dr Namgge (On trial, pleaded insanity, now shares a ward with Pedro, Mr T and three Abe Lincolns)

The Free Dr Namgge campaign starts here. We'll get you out.



Here's what I got for some 'Ziners:

Luco El Loco:A plectrum... on fire!
Tooth of Wisdom:A hamster called Gregory
Interesting Chair:A fox artist (you'll love it)
Lara Croft:Some slapping gloves
Paddy Irishman:Something I can't say in public...

Vigilante Maelstrom

How did you know? It's just what they all wanted.



As lead triangular in the (in)famous 'Zine band, I have to announce my retirement despite not actually having played any gigs (or made any music for that matter).

Anyway I hand over all responsibility to The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning with his/her/both pink shoes.

The reason behind my departure is unclear but when I think of a decent excuse, I'll tell y'all.

Mechanic Monkey (not Manch Monk)

Musical differences are usually to blame. Does a solo career beckon?