The Mega-Zine Museum
October 31, 2004
DR NAMGGE I'm annoyed. How could something possibly be as irritating as this is? Ick, ock, bluk, chak, tok-tick.
PADDY IRISHMAN The doctor told me I had an ear infection. At least I think that's what he said. Ugh. Waxy build-up bloke coming through.
AGGIE HUGEBOTTOM Personally, I thought The Interpretator's interpretation of me was spot on. Sorry, big bum?
(NOT SO) INTELLIGENT ONE
For those who remember a letter about the comments left in my English book a while ago ("Please refrain from using Pig Latin", etc.), it will come as no surprise that I failed said subject.
Don't worry though, as the nice college people have allowed (forced) me to re-take it, and now I'm top of my class!
The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning
So you've stopped snorting
AND STARTED LEARNING? 'BOUT TIME
RADIO PRESENTERS
My claim to fame is presenting a four-hour show for my local station.
The thing is, I always end up, er, befriending the male presenters. It must be the excitement of not knowing what they look like then getting that ultimate surprise when you meet them in the flesh.
Unless they look like David Dickinson or Howard from the Halifax that is.
Emma-the-lil'-Angel
And what pray tell is wrong with DD?
A LOVELY ORANGE GLOW ABOUT HIM
THE HOUSING PROBLEM
What I can't stand is that the Government still refuses to stop barns being turned into second homes for city boys.
The Owl of Bewilderment
Least it keeps 'em off the streets
LANES, FIELDS AND BATHING LAKES
IN THE SPIRIT OF PLATO
I'm going to create fantasy dialogues between famous mathematicians...
- POINCARE: You fool, you're just trying to collapse mathematics into one immense tautology!
- PEANO: I know! Brilliant or what?
Don't worry, I don't expect you to get it.
Norman Radcliffe
Oh but we do and it goes something
LIKE THIS: E=MC2 x PIE. THERE.
IT'S A RIP-OFF
Every time I use my local cashpoint, the screen says: "You have not been charged for this transaction".
Yet when I check my statement, I find without fail that I have had ten pounds debited for every tenner I withdraw.
No wonder the banks are raking it in.
Badger Suitcase
At least you're onto them Badger
IMAGINE IF YOU WITHDREW £50?
STICKERS AND BADGES
I've fiddled the university system, I'm pleased to announce.
I've bought a little red sticker to put on my meal card so I can pretend to be vegetarian. They normally have the best food. Then when I fancy some meat I can just whip off the sticker.
Bravo, no?
On another note I think I might have offended He Who Loves To Skank. Cheer up, and have a "I'm a regular" badge to put on your new jumper.
Junior Minister
It's not just the sticker you're
RIPPING OFF. IT'S THE VEGGIES TOO.
MORE TALK ABOUT RADIO
Is this not the greatest invention of all time? After all it does bring the wonderful Dave Kelly to people across Yorkshire every night at 7pm.
Is Dave Kelly the fittest bloke on the radio? Is Galaxy 105 the best radio station ever? Is radio the best thing I have found in the last two months?
The answer to all the above is yes.
Xiaolin Dragon Of Wood
Is 'Zine on the radio? I think not.
STICK TO THE TV GIRAFFELETS!
