The Mega-Zine Museum
April 2, 2004
JAMODU Black Books! Thanks Channel 4, I could kiss you. Please don't. Mabel has just polished the screen.
MEAN MR CUSTARD I'm psychodelic. I see things that nobody else can wee in colours that haven't been invented, and it really makes me angry. So watch it. Watch it? On TV?
INSANE JAM SOW I did a survey of my friends, WLW, and it turns out you're the most gullible person we can think of. Number one at something at last.
THINGS I'VE DONE SINCE I LAST WROTE TO 'ZINE
- Become a student.
- Seen Danny Glaze off The Bill on Oxford Street.
- Developed a world view somewhere between relativistic pantheism and model realism.
- Begun eating cheese on a daily basis.
Parsley Possum
The cheese
DOING YOU IN?
COUNT OLAF
Count Olaf has the most magnificent eyebrows this world has ever seen. They're so big and bushy, they even put Busted to shame.
I dare say that with an eyebrow like that, Count Olaf could probably rule the world.
He would make a great leader. Rich orphans beware.
Plughole Fantasy
A distant relation of
CHARLIE PERHAPS?
ALL'S FAIR
Danger Ranger Monkey Buckle Shoe, while I do firmly think your name is pants, I must apologise for the frankly rude manner in which I went about telling you. This was neither acceptable nor fair.
Us newbies must stick together if we're going to survive in the harsh world that is 'Zine.
Don't think I fancy you — I only have eyes for Samurai Hedgehog. Sorry.
Hog Nosed Skunk Flea
You can't really fancy someone
YOU'VE NEVER MET...
WLW, HORSE TRAINER?
While surfing the interweb for all things 'Zine, I made a discovery!
On December 28, 2002, at Taunton, a new breed of superhorse rode to victory — its name: Megazine! I kid you not, check on the net yourselves.
So WLW, have you been training horses in your spare time? Or do you prefer mixing with fellow giraffes?
Captain Pigeon
Colin Irwin is the horse man
JUST DON'T MENTION THE NATIONAL...
LETTERS
Its nice to see that we're able to contact 'Zine via e-mail, but in my day, we used a pencil and paper to write letters, then we would post them. Postboxes, remember them?
Well I figured, after buying all those stamps, I'm owed quite a bit of money. So pay up WLW.
If one second class stamp is valued at 21p, and I had about 40 odd letters printed, it totals to £8.40.
Flying Turnip
Printing letters used up
MY POCKET MONEY ALLOWANCE
STUFF THAT BUGS ME
- Stringy bits on bananas — why?
- People who say "I'm mad, I am" — No, you're just annoying.
- When I don't get a joke I look stoopid.
- Pigeons that run away from cars — they have wings!
- Never ending winter — we must be due some sun now?
Captain Sparrow's Dredlocks
Banana strings make
LOVELY HANGING BASKETS
IS CHARLIE FAT?
Croker, not Eyebrows. Think about it, in The Italian Job the bus doesn't tip until Charlie Croker (Sir Michael Caine) tries to get the gold back.
And in the remake, the blue mini driven by Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg) is super heavy coz it's carrying a load of gold bricks, yet it takes a nosedive when it comes out of the storm drain.
So how much does Charlie Croker weigh?
The Mogtrix
I'm not watching
MERELY TO FIND OUT
