Mega-Zine
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March 19, 2004

FRODO MERCURY THE HOBBIT WARRIOR Damn you Charlie. You insult caterpillars with those eyebrows of yours. Jealousy is something they need to deal with.

ANNA NOMINOUS Illiterate, me? I don't know the meaning of the word. Tsk, tsk. Making fun of people isn't big and it's certainly not clever.

FROSTY Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. Does anyone understand that? I certainly don't.

 

THE SAGA BEGINS

Hello, my name is Professor No Legs (I do have legs, but they are made out of Bluetack). I also have a toothpick spear.

Anyhoo, I have a plan that will change 'Zine forever. It revolves around a secret that I will tell you all after my fifth letter.

If anyone guesses it, I will mention them as the best 'Ziner in the world in all of my letters.

Professor No Legs

Can't wait to find out

BETTER BE WORTH IT

 

BRAT CAMP

Did anyone else see this programme? How funny. Take a couple of greebos, chuck in some random guys, dump in the American wilderness with cowboys called Mountain Tree Spirit Earth Otter and make them eat mush off sticks until they can re-enter society. Genius.

I urge you all to watch. And mock. And laugh. Plus you can feel sorry for them if you really want.

Cherries Jubilee

Teletext camp would be fun

I'D STAY BEHIND OF COURSE

 

WHAT I THINK OF CERTAIN LINGUISTIC FEATURES

  • Repetition: Why, why, why?
  • Alliteration: Always awful.
  • Tag Question: They're great, aren't they?
  • Voiced Pauses: Ummm...
  • Colloquialisms: Wicked! Cool!
  • Purposely Vague Language: Sort of OK, or whatever.

Insane Jam Sow

Thanks for sharing

NO, REALLY, THANKS

 

POETRY CORNER

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
A bear was fuzzy wuzzy,
But Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
So he wasn't fuzzy, was he?

Works better if you say it out loud — go on I dare you!

Captain Sparrow's Dredlocks

It really goes... Bear, no hair

BUT FW DIDN'T CARE, COS HE'S A BEAR

 

A JAFFA CAKE FALLS ON THE FLOOR

Do you:

  1. Pick it up and eat it.
  2. Get down on all fours and eat it.
  3. Throw it away, it's covered in germs.
  4. Leave it there, you might get desperate later.
  5. Give it to Spiky Stuy.
  6. Depends how many you've got left.

Styluskid

Get Mabel Mop

TO DUST IT

 

FOOL

I was reading 'Zine today when a letter appeared entitled Ziner Anagrams. Oh dear, I thought, not again, how boring, how unoriginal. Then I noticed the name of the perpetrator — Farmer Jack.

Is this the same person who, just two days earlier, was accusing other 'Ziners of being unoriginal?

What an utter fool!

Doo Dah Day

I'm saying

NOTHING

 

SOUP

The eternal question, what is soup? Is it food? Or maybe liquid? A combination perhaps? I don't know, maybe only God does.

And how and why was it invented? Did someone want to eat a meal but due to their lack of teeth, for some reason, they liquidised it?

Please answer me WLW! My brain is set to explode!

Carefree

Food for people whose teeth

HAVE ROTTED FROM SUGAR