The Mega-Zine Museum
March 19—20, 2004
THE OWL OF BEWILDERMENT Westlife, one down and only four more eejits to go. Careful. Kim Dawson will be after you.
OLD BIDDY Blueberry? Blueberry? What's the matter with blueberry? Blueberry muffins, blueberry pie. Lovely. Only problem — seeds in teeth.
SEE NO EVIL Topper must live somewhere very posh. Where I live, if you stare at someone for more than five seconds he turns into the Grim Reaper. No-one looks at each other in London.
SPEED BUMPS HURT
There are several types of speed bump — the first a flatish one, the second a high dippy one and the third a square one just wider than your wheel base.
Either way, driving over them at 40mph gives me headaches!
How bored am I?
DJ Rhimes
Not advisable to drive over
AFTER A HEAVY MEAL
STRANGE
The other day I was watching an Arsenal game on television with a friend. She suddenly sneezed and, would you believe it, Robert Pires fell over.
The really strange thing about it is that he was nowhere near the penalty area at the time.
Fandango
Your friend should put
HERSELF UP FOR HIRE
DEDICATION
I would like to dedicate this terrible letter to all the other writers of terrible letters who have had their terrible letters printed on 'Zine. Good work.
And a special mention to Mr Fahrenheit, who has only ever written terrible letters — this one's for you mate.
Peace out! Wooooo!
Sykopathik Mushroom
There's really no need to be rude
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY TOO
EARNING A CRUST
I'm going to university which means I'm educated.
But, you know, it's hard to make ends meet and you have to top things up.
I'm busking with a monkey. Still, it's a job, but the monkey is such a hard taskmaster.
Princess Psycho
So that's what Marcel's
BEEN DOING BEHIND MY BACK!
MAX FACTOR NUMBER 5
OK WLW, point taken about what's worse, eyebrows the size of foxes and make up, but did you know that I get paid millions to put that stuff on my face? The manufacturers give it to me — I hope they don't think I'm ugly.
P.S: Emma-the-lil'-Angel, Charlie's eyebrows are fake.
Marilyn Mason
I believe they're
GIVING YOU A SUBTLE HINT
ORIGINAL (?)
| REGULAR 1: | "I haven't written to 'Zine for two days." |
| REGULAR 2: | "Neither have I. Everyone must miss us terribly." |
| REGULAR 1: | "I'll have to send in more of my boring, unfunny, bland stuff." |
| REGULAR 2: | "I'll have to send in more of my boring, unfunny, eccentric stuff." |
| REGULAR 1: | "As long as it's original." |
| REGULAR 2: | "Yes, that's the main thing." |
Godfrey Daniels
Welcome to
MY WORLD
A VERY CUNNING CHALLENGE INDEED
- Take a piece of paper, tissue or anything that will bend.
- Fold it in half.
- Repeat step two another six times.
- You now have seven folds.
I will personally reward anyone who can make an eighth.
Happy folding.
Mr Neerox
I would say that's a
RATHER SQUARE THING TO DO
