The Mega-Zine Museum
January 4, 2004
SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM My extreme good looks seem to be harming my career as a waste of space. Don't worry too much.
MAGICAL ME Despite having a tongue like a giraffe (WLW — could we be related?), I have not yet managed to salivate all over my own elbow. However, when it comes to boot-lickin', I am so there. Related? Did you send me that jumper?
SPIKY PRINCESS I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. Tra la la la la!
THE RIGHT IDEA
Here's an idea — we've all heard the popular phrase, "The customer is always right."
Surely then, we should set up a world council of customers and query them on how to solve tricky stuff, ie unemployment, Spiky Stu and my haircut.
Even old people wouldn't complain about the state of the world then (well maybe).
You know, I even amaze myself sometimes...
Zaganza
At least someone
IS AMAZED
FROM ANOTHER WORLD
You'd all agreee with me if I called Mega-zine a society — it's like a whole other world. But would you agree if I called it an egalitarian society?
I didn't think so — probably because you don't know what egalitarian means (unless you've studied sociology).
Far from explaining what it means, I'd just going to sit here, smile and observe.
Carry on as you were.
Miss Snaz
It's too soon after New Year's Eve for
BIG WORDS
MY PET GORILLA DAN
Yes, he's smart, funny and intelligent. He's... a gorilla. He loves to watch EastEnders while scoffing his favourite meal — scotch eggs. And they have real scotch in 'em.
The only problem is, it makes him go crazy, and he ends up throwing the telly out of the window.
Uh oh, best tie the TV down, it's almost 8 o'clock!
Batman's Brother
Marcel always behaves impeccably
UNLESS I TURN OVER EMMERDALE
YOU'VE BEEN LICKED
To the 'Ziner who wished to lick their elbow — sorry to spoil your dream but my friend showed us all it is possible. He dislocated his elbow, twisted his arm round, licked his elbow then popped it back in.
When we told him that didn't count, he licked it anyway.
He must have an abnormal tongue or something, but anyway, back to my point — you have been beaten. Sorry.
Deshman
I hope the taste was worth it
AFTER ALL THAT TROUBLE
FACE FACTS
I'm a bit concerned for anyone who uses facial creams. You see, in several adverts, it is said that these creams "decrease your face".
So if anybody applies some moisturiser and later finds out that their face has become dramatically smaller, don't say that you weren't warned.
The Wonky Gnome
Would come in useful for big heads...
GET LINDA BARKER IN AN ADVERT!
PLACE YOUR BIDS
Long Blonde Brunette — You are completely right! Old biddy is a stupid old biddy!
At least we don't go around saying "Eeee Doris, did you see that hooligan driving at almost 15 mph? He looked far too young to be driving — he looked much younger than 80!
Boring old biddies, we should join together in trying to turn the old biddies out there into normal people! Whaddya say?
Triangular Frostbite
OK. Just how bored
ARE YOU EXACTLY?
ODE TO WLW
There was a wild colonial boy,
Cecil was his name,
He came from somewhere down south,
Flower-arranging was his game,
His dream was to work on Backchat,
And change his name to Ed,
But he couldn't pass the physical,
So he joined Mega-zine instead.
Avril Lasagne
Cecil? Do you think I am related
TO CEDRIC OR SOMETHING?
