The Mega-Zine Museum

September 21, 2003

FANDANGO If Zaganza wants to be taken seriously as a villain, he'll have to lose the Mickey Mouse baseball cap and the Cheeky Girls T-shirt. Oo-er missus. Cheeky pants stay on however.

DISCO DANCING CHIMPANZEE I have come up with an answer as to why we haven't found aliens on Mars. They all look like rocks! Simple! Another years old question solved by me. You should be working for NASA!

THE SUITED STRANGER Any other 'Ziners going to Glasgow Uni? Well?

PREGNANCY

I'm almost certainly never going to experience this, yet I'm highly interested in the whole affair (which, ironically is something that can lead to it).

Imagine having a living person growing inside of you! And then, after nine months, it pops out, all alive and red. It then grows up and buys a car — genius!

Life is a wonderful thing WLW.

Topper

Scary

REALLY SCARY

AN OFFER?

WLW, if you print every single letter I send you, then I will send my signature and photo of Matthew Upson to you, who I am told used to play for Arsenal.

I met him a while back because he is my old PE teacher's brother, but because I'm not really much of a football fan, never mind Arsenal, I wouldn't mind sending you the stuff I've got. But you probably don't care anyway.

I don't think that actually made any sense.

Kleenex the Cop

He's lowered himself to Brum City

I'LL WAIT FOR THIERRY'S CAR

QUESTIONS

• WLW, if you are neither male nor female then are you a hermaphrodite?
• If you drink an acid and a base then lie on a sunbed, will you internally combust?
• Why does anyone like Busted?

Rather Large Cookie of Doom

Well, I have been offered

A GUEST PART IN FOOTBALLER'S WIVES

NICE TWIN

What's all this about DJ Dave making a "guest appearance" over on a so-called rival's place? I have been to the other side for a look-see. They are all nicey and the Eds (!) make encouraging and positive statements. No sass at all!

Yuk! Perhaps WLW's nicey-nice twin (the one the family is ashamed of) works there.

Leave the ginger beer swillers to their little clubhouse, I say. I like it here.

Johnny Helzapoppin

I'd disown Mavis, never mind a sibling

IF SHE STARTED COOING LOVE NOTES

SALUTATIONS

I'm new to Mega-zine and I'd like to thank you for providing countless hours of enjoyment — but I can't, as you haven't.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to raise both the educational and "cool" value of this particular Teletext page.

This master plot will soon take effect and all shall tremble with fear.

Pop-up Pirate

Educational and cool in the same line

WHAT KIND OF NUT ARE YOU?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A JOCK WHEN...

1. You cry out Nerd, even, and especially at, people way cooler than yourself.
2. You wear shirts of teams you've never heard of.
3. You can burp the national anthem of your country without drinking beforehand.
4. You try to impress girls by throwing things at them and shouting heads up!

Mercy Nuts

Are you talking about sports freaks

OR THAT NATION OF IRN-BRU LOVERS?

COOL DAYS IN SEPTEMBER

Coming soon — Cool Days in October.

Disco Dancing Chimpanzee

Friday was International Talk

LIKE A PIRATE DAY. APPARENTLY

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