Mega-Zine
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September 20—21, 2002

YOUR UNCLE NOBBY Who put this "Do not resuscitate" notice at the end of my bed? Oi Davord. What have I told you about teasing Uncle N?!

KING OF THE TELEGRAPH POLES I recommend flying because you get pampered by lovely air stewardesses wearing sexy blue jackets and dresses. And Brian Dowling when it's not Saturday.

OUTCAST I'm watching you. Really? How many fingers am I holding up then? Huh? Huh?

 

DOWN IN THE DALES

I'm asking all 'Ziners to join me in my quest to drive the evil programme Emmerdale off TV.

And, do you know Nick Fisher from Angst also writes for J17 or Bliss? I can't remember which.

So anyone who's stalking him, don't expect a Christmas prezzie.

She Who Has No Name

Prezzie? He never even makes

A CUP OF TEA ROUND HERE

 

GREETINGS ZINERS!

I am a 30-year-old mother who loves Mega-zine. It beats Teletubbies and nappy adverts. Here is a little ditty about me.

I'm 30, and wrinkly.
Creaky and crinkly.
I've got bags under my eyes.
I've got Ready Brek in my hair;
lots of Jaffa Cakes to share.
And in my oven, a burnt apple pie.

Speak to you all later.

Mother Hen

I think we've found

THE BRIGADIER A GIRLFRIEND!

 

A POEM FOR WLW

As a new 'Ziner I have wrote a poem dedicated to you.

WLW, I love you
You taste better than granny's stew
WLW, do you love me?
Print this letter and then we'll see.

Do I get a picture of a duck for all the flattery?

Drawing of a little yellow rubber duck.

The Insatiable Little Yellow Duckie

Send me some chocolate and

I'LL MAKE IT TWO DUCKS NEXT TIME

 

HIGHLIGHTS FROM WHEN I STARTED READING 'ZINE

  1. WLW was suddenly a gay man in Spandex.
  2. I learned the Brigadier is a posh bore.
  3. The Perplexed Ningacow disappeared from the face of the earth.
  4. My first letter.
  5. I discovered my letters were being held up by an invasion of fire-breathing hamsters eating postboxes in Dagenham.

The Itsie Bitsie Chocolate Mouse

And I was told they wore

LEATHER TROUSERS

 

BRING BACK PRETZEL FLIPZ!

I would like to join your campaign to bring back those irresistible chocolate covered pretzels. They must be brought back to supermarkets and cornershops around the world.

If they do, I will create my own army of super chocolate-covered pretzels and we shall take over the world.

WLW, will you join me?

Fat Fairy

Munch, ca-rrunch. Sorry, I've

JUST EATEN YOUR ARMY. OOPS

 

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT GOTHS

  1. They wear black clothes.
  2. They make black clothes fashionable.
  3. Moshing — what's the point?
  4. Dodgy metal studs in dodgy places.
  5. They think their music is the ONLY kind of music.
  6. They only come out at night.
  7. Goths love to be stereotyped (not that I am...)
  8. I only meant to say seven things I hate about goths.

Imperturable Furore

Mavis and I are staying in

TONIGHT AFTER THAT