The Mega-Zine Museum
August 26, 2002
SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT If I've learnt anything from my dream last night, it's that chickens don't look good in dresses. Especially green ones. You get scarier and scarier.
SCHIZONUMBER3 Why is it, whenever I touch anything electrial (be it tills, computers, mobiles), it breaks within 20 minutes. Am I that bad? Same here.
DJ DAVE Where is Fluffy these days? Nobody even mentions her. Nobody calls him 'her' either!
THE ULTIMATE FANCY DRESS COSTUME
Get two big pieces of cardboard (must be extremely wide) and four smaller pieces (so that when put together, they make a cuboid).
The bottom piece needs two holes for legs. The widest pieces need one hole each for your arms. The front also needs a hole, so you can see out of it.
Paint it all green, with some black squares along the wider sides.
You can now go dressed as a bus!
A Leprechaun Called Steve
What kind of scary buses
DO YOU TAKE?
HOW DO THEY DO IT?
How on earth can you play cricket with a newspaper as a bat, like in the Sunday Times ads, which come on during the test match?
I doubt you could hit a corky very far with the Sunday Times... unless you're Freddy Flintoff.
Batmans Brother
OK, I think we're taking this ad
A LITTLE TOOOOO SERIOUSLY
STRANGE GOINGS ON!
I woke up this morning and noticed something strange. There was an unfamiliar light coming through a crack in the curtains.
I got up and, not knowing what this was, carefully pulled back the curtains.
I shielded my eyes as I realised what this was.
Aliens? No. The presenter of Bargain Hunt's fake tan? No. It was... the sun!
The Chicken Who Crossed The Road
Strange indeed —
ESPECIALLY DURING AN ENGLISH SUMMER
SCAT SINGING
This pointless and horribly un-skillful medium totally ruins any self respecting jazz song. It also makes jazz men look stupid, and jazz men are usually the epitome of cool.
Scat singing is the vocal equivalent of the art of Jackson Pollock, minus the talent.
My advice to scat singers is this — LEARN THE WORDS!
Comrade Milton
Fair to say you're not a fan then?
I MEAN, IT'S JUST A HUNCH
WHEN DOES A BOY BECOME A MAN?
This question has been raised many times by many different people, including cheesy pop band North and South.
Is it a mind-awakening, spirit-enlightening change? Is it when you get a job and start paying taxes?
No, it's none of these — it's when you can get the numbers on Countdown and Carol Vorderman can't.
NinjaCow
I'm more of a conundrum person really —
GET VERY SMUG, I DO
OH DEAR LORD
OK my friends, I have terrible news. If you're of a nervous disposition, you might want to look away now.
The Oasis classic, Don't Look Back In Anger is being released as a cover version by, none other than, the Wurzels! Is that not the worst bit of news you've heard?
Those combine harvester-lovers are back! You think this might start a new trendy craze?
Big Bob Flapper
Wait 'til you hear Celine Dion's stab
AT SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT!
MATHEMATICAL GENIUS
Thanks to my mathematical genius and football knowledge, I have worked out that if you take the number of prima donnas there are in the Manchester United squad, divide that by the number of goals scored against Leicester City, and add the circumference of Barry Fry's belly, it really doesn't give you a clue who'll win the championship, does it?
Over to you, Des...
The Fifth Bulldog
Still Arsenal, I reckon — and don't
MENTION BARRY FRY'S BELLY AGAIN
