The Mega-Zine Museum

August 28, 2002

BOB, YOUR UNCLE I know who you are! You are three different people, the first letters of your names being W, L and W. Am I right? Not even close, Uncle Bob.

PSYCHIATRIST'S NIGHTMARE WLW, would you happen to know where my slippers are? In the bidet, where you left them.

SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK Like a shoooooting star, across the midnight sky... Tell it to my heart, tell me I'm the only one... we're like an ad for a really bad Ibiza compilation, aren't we?

DEAR WLW

The biggest problem with the freaky weather we have at the moment is deciding what to wear. It's cold and wet for days then, when the heat does come, you are totally unprepared for it and you sweat in your long trousers.

The next day you decide to wear shorts and suddenly you are freezing because it's cold again.

And another thing, black absorbs heat so, if you like wearing black, you sweat even more in the heat.

Roll on winter.

Captain Slog

Just don't go out, I reckon —

STAY IN AND WATCH DAYTIME TV

TONIGHT'S HEADLINES...

What is it about newsrooms? Put a normal, intelligent person in a studio, behind a desk, and their eyebrows start jumping like demented caterpillars, their heads nod in time to music only they can hear and their mouths begin to contort into horribly twisted shapes.

Yet even then they're surpassed by weather people, who seemingly lose control of their limbs every time they spot a weather chart.

And don't get me started on Andrew Marr...

The Despotic Banana

I'd like to know what newsreaders

CHAT ABOUT WHEN THE CREDITS ROLL!

REASONS TO VISIT BOOTHSTOWN

1. Eric Cantona used to live here
2. There are plenty of scallies to insult
3. We have street lights... and some houses even have TV
4. It's near the Trafford Centre, so you can always leave and go there instead
5. All 'Ziners can pop round to my house for Lemon Fanta and Jaffa Cakes.

So, how about it, WLW?

Samurai Hedgehog

I wasn't convinced until the lure of

LEMON FANTA AND JAFFA CAKES

DEAR WLW AND 'ZINERS

Some people like the sound of their own voice. Some people like looking at their reflection in mirrors.

I am not one of those people. No. I like the way my name looks on Teletext... so here goes:

and one last time...

Snaz

Looks good, doesn't it? And notice the

JAZZY WAY I ALTERNATED THE COLOUR!

WLW

0',7yqkoc½ p=;vz e1—

This message has been typed by my hamster Wilf just for you. He has very thick belly fur, a sign of a quality hamster.

How thick is Davord's belly fur? (Not that Davord is a hamster, I just thought he might have fur).

L'Etoile

You really have a hamster called Wilf?

SEE, I KNEW THAT NAME WOULD WORK

MY STUPID MISTAKE

Two years ago, I bunked off school, whilst I was in fact ill, to stand for three hours in horrible weather... to meet a1!

I was amongst scores of pre-adolescent girls screaming "We love you Ben!" in my ears.

Only now have I realised that this wasn't a stupid mistake — it was in fact a crime.

Emma-the-lil'-Angel

We like ickle Ben here at the Towers —

HE'S A SERIOUS MUSO NOW, YOU KNOW

BUMPER STICKERS

Here's some really funny(?) ones I have seen or heard about:

• If you can read this, I've lost my caravan
• Out of my mind — back in a sec
• Next time, leave a can opener so I can get out of this space

Insomniac Tapeworm

Lost my caravan... yeah... I get it —

LOST MY CARAVAN... VERY GOOD

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