Mega-Zine
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July 9, 2002

INSANE JAM SOW Am I the only one left who doesn't suffer from hayfever? Yes.

SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT WLW, tuba... or french horn? Choose quickly now! Tuba ... no, french horn... no, tuba. Tuba — definitely tuba. Or maybe french horn.

SPIKE THE SPIKEY PINEAPPLE Which is more annoying, clever people walking out of exams saying they have failed when you know they haven't, or stupid people walking out saying they got full marks? Both are very irritating.

 

'ZINE DICTIONARY

I've a word to add to the long-forgotten 'Zine dictionary... my brother's 'reconfabulate'. It means to restore something to its former self.

I also have a creature to add — the 'Ellionoalabird', a combination of elephant, lion and koala in a bird-like form.

I think this proves there really are stranger people out there than me.

SnowmanRobot

Golly, the 'Zine dictionary —

'BOUT TIME WE UPDATED IT, I RECKON

 

OI! WLW PERSON!

How dare you confuse the wonderful and beautiful Steph from Neighbours with her cheap sister Flick! This just ain't good enough. Us gents of sophistication and standards have enough problems convincing others of Steph's superiority as it is.

After discussions with other members of the Steph from Neighbours fan club, we have decided the only option available is for you to resign immediately from your role in public broadcasting.

George, the Duck-Billed Fridge

I hang my head in shame for not being

A COMPLETE NEIGHBOURS ANORAK

 

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

I must warn all 'Ziners that there is an evil force at work... someone has successfully (if you can call it that) managed to clone a human. And the human they have chosen is Gareth Gates!

I was served by him in a shop today. The end of the world is nigh. I must go eat all the Babybels before it's too late!

The Animal of Farthing Wood

Don't worry. Won't be too long before

HE IS WORKING IN A SHOP!

 

YOU KNOW YOU NEED A GIRLFRIEND WHEN...

  • You start fancying non-Lara Croft computer characters
  • You watch the wrestling for the women's matches
  • You ask out everyone, hoping for just one yes
  • You begin to think of homosexuality as an option
  • You pray every night that WLW is female

Satan's Rubber Duck

Relationships are very overrated —

TWISTED? BITTER? MOI?

 

HOWARD HALIFAX

I've been hearing a lot about this man on these pages so I feel it is my duty to tell you all that my sis, who works at the Halifax, met Howard and, believe it or not, thought I would like his autograph.

Worse still, she made him sign it to Wookie, which is my ultra-cool nickname. Oh, the shame. I couldn't watch adverts for weeks for fear of seeing his cheesy grin!

Willow Windoleen

Somewhere, there's an ad agency

FEELING VERY PROUD OF ITSELF

 

'ZINERS

As a new 'Ziner, I feel I have to tell you all that I don't know whether this is the correct e-mail address I'm sending this to. You'll just have to deal with it.

Be prepared for a barrage of bad grammar, poor spelling and much more.

Mr Robofish

Bad grammar and poor spelling?

GONNA FIT RIGHT IN, MATE

 

TOP 10 DUMB NAMES FOR BANDS:

  1. Dyslexic Grapefruit
  2. The Monkees
  3. Pork Scratchings Sound System
  4. Fred, It's A Toaster
  5. Strangled Chicken
  6. Slipknot
  7. Skeleton In The Microwave
  8. Figginsticks
  9. Hoobastank
  10. Steps

Bob Snitchet

I fancy being in an indie band called

SANDWICHES IN THE ATRIUM