The Mega-Zine Museum

July 12—13, 2002

SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK WLW, do you do Pot Noodle? I do in moments of weakness. Usually some sort of curry effort.

moosesNOTmeese My mother was right, I do have to get up before 7.45 if I want to catch the ten to eight bus. Mums know these things. It's instinct.

RUSTIREDD THE SQUIRREL WARRIOR Don't you feel sorry for all those cute little mobile phones on the Carphone Warehouse advert? Let me think for a minute... that would be no.

OXYMORONS

This enough for ya?

• Government Organisation
• Alone Together
• Personal Computer
• Silent Scream
• Living Dead
• Same Difference
• Taped Live
• Plastic Glasses
• Tight Slacks
• Peace Force

Urban Hero

Ah, the return of the oxymoron...

MY LIFE IS BACK ON AN EVEN KEEL

IF 'ZINERS WERE TEACHERS FROM MY SCHOOL:

I have one last thing to say... 42.

Neurotic Nimrod

You have a music teacher like

THE BRIGADIER? TRANSFER NOW I SAY!

HELP!

I'm addicted to Northampton's new local terrestrial channel, NTV! It's absolutely awful and that's why I like it.

Most of it is hours of adverts, which look less professional than Ceefax, and programmes such as Fishing Week!

Aargh!

Jeff The Jiff

As if there weren't enough reasons

TO LEAVE NORTHAMPTON

HELLO 'ZINERS!

Don't you think Corporal Nauyokas from Lads' Army is the coolest guy ever? He's so hunky! I think he should have his own TV show so I could drool over him for days on end.

But enough of that. I would like to end this maiden voyage by bribing you with a lifetime supply of bacon flavour Wheat Crunchies, the soft drink of your choice plus a crate of Ferrero Rocher, if you print me... not that I'm sycophantic or anything!

The Future Mrs Nauyokas

Sycophantic? Heaven forbid!

AND THAT WOULD BE LEMON FANTA

AND MORE GOOD REASONS TO BE A WOMAN:

1. More chocolate as pressies
2. Having long hair and suiting it
3. Fancying blokes
4. That-time-of-the-month excuses
5. No chance of being called Norman
6. Toenail varnish in all the colours of the rainbow

I thank you.

The 12th Lemon

My mate Norman suits long hair

AND FANCIES BLOKES

WLW

I wrote a poem on one of those online poetry competitons about chicken and rice. For some reason, I gave them my real address.

Now they keep harassing me, telling me to come to America to record my poem (about chicken and rice, may I remind you) on CD. And they tell me I have to go the Poetry Symposium Conference in Washington DC!

I wish this were all a dream, but sadly it isn't.

Tell them to go away, WLW! I'm only 14!

Cow In The Shed

Go away, poetry people — she's only 14!

THERE, THAT SHOULD DO IT

'ZINERS

After watching the "long-awaited" Tomb Raider on video, I felt so annoyed that I had to tell somebody about this.

Doesn't it really annoy you when heroes/heroines are in really tight situations and manage to perform a backflip or cartwheel to get out of them? Not just any old gymnastic move, but an amazingly perfect one.

THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN!

Sorry about that folks.

Yellow Jello

Why you were watching it at all

IS THE MORE SERIOUS ISSUE, SURELY?

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