Mega-Zine
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July 5—6, 2002

THE LIVING LEGEND WLW, ya know when you're driving, do you make a screechy noise like the bloke in the car ad? I do and you know what? It's still funny.

SUGARED VENOM I think I resemble a cross between Ozzy Osborrne, Barbie, Liz Tyler, Nosferatu and a pig. I'm sure I've seen you on Big Brother.

SPANDOREXXA Tim Henman... I mean, why? The man clearly doesn't know when he's fighting a losing battle. Which he frequently is.

 

DEAR 'ZINERS

I was really bored so I thought I'd e-mail you this message to tell you about myself.

  • I haven't got used to texting
  • Irritating voices irritate me
  • I can't ice skate
  • I like dancing to Christmas tunes
  • I daydream a lot
  • Sometimes I think that listening to classical music really cheers me up.

How sad is that for a teenager?

Weird Woz

As Nanny WLW always says...

BUY A JIGSAW

 

WLW

I think you are a Joe 90 lookalike, with the voice of Marcus Bentley (Big Brother's voiceover man). You wear a tea cosy for a hat and your middle name is Arnold.

Or, if WLW is your initials, perhaps your name is Wilfred Lloyd Waterson... how close am I? Eh?

Come on, fess up!

Monk McManus (pondering with chopsticks in hand)

Day 32 and I'm washing me tea cosy

AND CLEANING ME JOE 90 SPECS

 

MORE THINGS I FIND ANNOYING:

  1. People who are willing to search an entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to switch channels manually
  2. When people say "life is short". What's that about? Life is the longest thing someone ever does. What can you do that's longer?

Devil's Avocado

What can you do that's longer?

WAIT FOR HENMAN TO WIN WIMBLEDON

 

THE GREY MAN

I thought I was the only one mad enough to record my impressions of celebrities and cartoon characters on tape.

So, who do you do? I do quite a good Popeye myself and a pretty mean Snagglepuss...

"Heaven's to shiverin' timbers! Blow me down, stage left even!"

The Cat's Underwear

Was that Popeye

OR SNAGGLEPUSS?

 

IN REPLY TO THE CRAZY RED HORSE

Why it's great to be a man:

  1. Chocolate
  2. Not having to pamper ourselves
  3. We can go to the toilet in public (and standing up)
  4. We don't have to go shopping
  5. We're more better than you are.

Have a nice day.

Mystical Flying Pilchard

I'm not getting involved in this saga —

JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE

 

CARTOONS

On the subject of cartoons, forget past nominations, you have all forgotten the wonder that was Poddington Peas.

There was the fat one who ate all the cakes and was stuck in his flower pot, the blonde girl and the two baddies with a dog or some creature!

And who could forget the theme tune?

Down at the bottom of the garden,
among the birds and the bees,
there lives a lot of little people
and they're called the Poddington Peas!

Willow Windoleen

Well, thanks a bunch. Can't get that

FLAMING TUNE OUT OF MY HEAD NOW

 

I'M FEELING PECKISH

Daphne, my new maid, has been unaccountably unwell this week — I only employed her 10 days ago — and I have been bereft of her exquisite culinary talents and righteous recipes.

Therefore, I have had shamefully to resort to ordering pizzas, an unhealthy nourishment providing no value of sustenance whatsoever.

Though, I must embarrassingly admit that those stuffed crusts are edibly endearing.

The Brigadier

Check her room, Briggy —

I THINK DAPHNE'S DONE A RUNNER