Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

July 4, 2002

FAYZILIUM Where has Parsley Possum gone? I used to like him. I think he was on yesterday, no?

AUTUMN ANGEL WLW — do you realise that in 'Zine you have created a monster? Was this another part of your plan to take over the world? Indeed it was.

SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT Today I found out Kilroy used to be a politician! Some things never cease to amaze me. Well, you say politician, but, you know, he wasn't exactly life-altering.

FACIAL HAIR, A GOOD THING

I would like to extol the greatness of facial hair, so... here goes:

Keeps your face warm during winter.
It provides nesting for wildlife such as monkeys and small warthogs.
It allows you to rent or buy 18-rated stuff, even if you're 15.
Small children stay out of your way because they think you'll eat them.
It's male exclusive (unless the woman in question is over 70).

First list. Not bad, huh?

Koth (the Blindingly Hairy)

Of course, no one here at WLW Towers

ENDORSES NUMBER 3... MUCH

ANNOYING VIBE LETTERS

"Leave Will Young alone. He has a great voice and is here to stay."
"Freddie Mercury would be proud to know that Will sang with Queen."
"Dance music is far more interesting than rock."
"Where can I write to Gareth Gates? He's so sexy!"

I think we all know what we have to do.

A Leprechaun Called Steve

True, but where do we get a vat of

BOILING OIL AT THIS TIME OF DAY?

POETRY CORNER

Here is a poem about why it is good to be a bear and why it is bad to be Algy:

Algy saw the bear
The bear saw Algy
The bear was bulgy
The bulge was Algy

Poor Algy, no one deserves to be eaten by a bear like that.

Mr Self Destruct

Surely there must be awards

FOR THIS KIND OF GENIUS?

POSSUMS

I am starting up an official club. It's called Possums Anonymous. Anybody who finds themselves affected by the grudges and insults of these creatures is free to join.

Anyone who hasn't been affected, but would like to join me in this crusade, must buy me a Double Decker.

No possums allowed.

The Pedantic One that IS Pedantic

Mmmmmm... Double Decker... Double...

SORRY, LOST IT, YOU WERE SAYING?

YES!

Undeniable proof that WLW is female! Tired of putting your jumper up your shirt for seats on public transport, eh? I knew it!

After years of sitting on the fence and dropping hints of an addiction to chocolate, we finally have the TRUTH.

Today is a victorious day for feminine pride!

Binky

What, and blokes won't try anything

FOR A SEAT ON A BUS?

ANOTHER RAMBLING

I have just received one of the most valuable presents one could receive. It's a small novelty deckchair, onto which your mobile phone rests... pure genius!

It stands up and everything, just like a Danny de Vito deckchair. Remember him? Good Lord, he was chubby.

Big Bob Flapper

A deckchair for your mobile? The words

'GET' AND 'LIFE' SPRING TO MIND!

I LOVES LOBSTERS

I think you'll find that you can safely close Poetry Corner now, the pinnacle of greatness being the following:

Libster lobster labster lee
Living in the deep blue sea
Libster lobster, where are you?
Gone to lunch, back at 2!

You can keep yer Jade, no one comes as close to being dumber than a drunk monkey than me. I thank you.

Pink Mafia

It's a close run thing, but Jade —

DUMBER THAN SEVERAL DRUNK MONKEYS

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