The Mega-Zine Museum
April 10, 2002
GLITTER JUNKIE WLW, I know how you hate their fluffy hair and big shoes, but only The Tweenies could sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in four-part harmony, with three verses! Get help.
ANGELIC ENTITY It's always darkest before dawn so, if you're going to steal your neighbour's paper, that's the time to do it. DON'T do it, kids.
FLUFFY THE EVIL ONE WLW, did you ever know that you're my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings. You smoothie.
SPELL CHECK
I hate my computer's spell check. It doesn't understand the word antlers, which is a problem with a name like The One With The Mighty Antlers.
Anglers, yes. Antler, yes. Antler s, yes. Antler-s, yes. Antlers, no!
The One With The Mighty Antler-s
You could always change your name to,
OH I DUNNO — MAUREEN?
TOILETS
We tend to take the invention of the toilet for granted. Shame on us. Can you imagine a world without toilets? It would be hell!
We would constantly have to run into the woods or dig big holes to relieve ourselves. Could you imagine falling into one of these poop pits?
This is why we must not take the invention of the toilet for granted any more, it's what separates us from animals!
Fellow 'Ziners, join me in my quest for a Toilet Appreciation Day!
Bob Flapper
It'll never catch on —
TRUST ME!
PLUGHOLES
Another query brought upon by The Simpsons:
If, in the northern hemisphere, water goes one way down the plughole in a sink or bath, and a different way in the southern hemisphere, then what way does the water go down exactly on the equator?
Maybe we could try to find the expert on the subject — the almighty Plughole Fantasy.
Azhag the Slaughterer
Yes indeed — where did he go?
HE'LL HAVE THE ANSWER
'ZINERS
Last November, I forwarded a chain e-mail to just 13 people, instead of the required 15.
As a result, I lost all of my friends, was kicked out of school and now suffer from acute halitosis.
It worked for me — it can work for you, too!
Ms Jane Lane
Hmmm... I'm not so sure they're supposed
TO WORK LIKE THAT, THOUGH
APPLE FOR THE TEACHER
I just want to protest about the number of letters on 'Zine sucking up to WLW.
While it's blindingly obvious that Tottenham fans are a bunch of mindless thugs who support the worst team in the country, and that Arsenal fans are all incredibly intelligent people with excellent taste, there's no need to keep mentioning the fact, okay?
(By the way, WLW, I think Arsenal are a cinch for the title this year. Man U — who?)
The Despotic Banana
Believe me — you can never mention
THIS SORTA STUFF ENOUGH!
HEY!
Get those rulers out, guys, it's time to measure those foreheads!
Mr D, from Chesterfield, has set a new forehead length record with an incredible 13.5 centimetres!
If yours isn't up to scratch, then you'd better get training!
The Man With The Golden Bun
How do I "train" to get my forehead...
ACTUALLY, DON'T BOTHER
HI, ALL
While round a friend's and enjoying the luxury of music channels, I discovered a "Q-mix" of Destiny's Child and Nirvana! It was hilarious!
I can see many Nirvana fans distraught by this, but I don't see why, as the Foo Fighters are better than Nirvana ever were.
Go and buy a FF album — any, they're all good.
TheUnitedTruth
Not as good as the Britney/Eminem mix —
PURE GENIUS
