The Mega-Zine Museum
January 29, 2002
PROFIT OF DOOM Why must there be so many versions of CD singles around these days? If I buy CD1, I feel I have to buy CD2 in case I miss something — invariably I don't. S'all money, matey.
PINK MAFIA I have decided to take out a contract on Dale Winton. He's never answered one of my letters. He's far too busy turning orange to write.
MANICS DEPRESSIVE Long time, no write. I've been depressed. The forthcoming MSP Greatest Hits doesn't help. Quite!
A POEM, WLW
A farmer once called his cow Zephyr
'Cos she was a lovely old heifer
But he went too near
So she bit off his ear
Which made him considerably deafer!
Loony Toon
Brought a tear to my eye — poor farmer,
JUST TRYING TO EARN A LIVING
PAPA LAZARUS
As I'm your wife now, can I borrow the pick-up this weekend as the girls and I are going shopping, then on to Paris for an evening of classy entertainment from Cirque d'Horrible (a far superior circus to yours)?
Your wife now,
The Snorkmistress
I think this marriage is going to prove
A LITTLE COSTLY FOR SOMEONE!
WLW
Of course Designer Amnesiac was being serious. You weren't expecting an "oh, I meant Kelly Jones actually" or something stupendously ridiculous like that at the end, were you?
Before the Possum starts — check out the Holy Bible album first. If you still hate MSP, please visit a doctor (meant in a motherly, caring, non-patronising way, of course!)
Mrs TGW Bradfield
And taken as such. Holy Bible, 1994,
7 YEARS OF POOH SINCE... AGREED?
WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR MATES
- When there is a moment of silence, burst out laughing. When they ask why why you're laughing, reply "don't you know?" and laugh again.
- Always refer to Lord Of The Rings as Lordoderingo.
- When they discuss their thoughts with you, nod your head and say things like "yeah, hmmm, right", then when they say "what do you think?", simply reply "sorry, I wasn't listening".
These are all tried, tested and work.
Angelic Entity
On the "Scale Of Annoyance", you are
VERY MUCH NEAR THE TOP, I RECKON
MISSING!
My orchestra "leader" recently informed me that they lent out eight bassoons and they have not been brought back yet. Now, how could someone hide eight bassoons? Have you seen the size of a bassoon?
Maybe it was an ex-music pupil carrying a grudge. How anyone can carry a grudge AND eight bassoons is beyond me. Must have big arms.
The Chicken Who Crossed The Road
Ha ha ha ha... carry a grudge, I get it!
YEAH, THANKS
POP IDOL
Will deserves to win because he is the only one who:
- Doesn't act like a campsite entertainer
- Doesn't sing like an angry weasel
- Doesn't resemble one of the more aesthetically challenged Star Wars characters
Parsley Possum
It also helps that the others sing
LIKE EXCITED BABOONS
CHOCKS AWAY!
I have a beautiful swimming pool in my garden. At three o'clock in the morning yesterday, I decided to take a paddle wearing my Union Jack swimming trunks.
My, what an invigorating exercise. My pectorals are powerful, my biceps burly, my stomach sinewy and my shoulders strapping.
Mademoiselles, how can you resist such a display of athletic showmanship?
The Brigadier
Hello? Police? I'd like to report a man
WEARING UNION JACK SWIMMING TRUNKS
