The Mega-Zine Museum
February 1—2, 2002
MANKY HORRIBLE BRUSSEL SPROUT Guess what — I've heard that my uncle Dave reads 'Zine. How cool? So I just wanna say "Hi" to him. Now, are you gonna be polite and say "Hi" too, WLW? Oh, if I must — "Hi uncle Dave". Okey dokey?
ZERO TOLERATOR I am the winner of the wooden spoon. I demand a recount.
NINJA COW WLW — have I ever told you you're my hero? Once or twice but, you know what, I never get tired of hearing it!
MY WEIRD DREAM
I dreamt last night that I was framed for stealing a packet of frozen peas from my own house.
I came home and a policeman was waiting for me in my bedroom, casually sitting on the bed. He was a midget Silent Bob in a Santa suit, with a policeman's hat on.
I need therapy, I really do.
The Cereal Killer
Or perhaps stop eating cheese butties
SO CLOSE TO BEDDY-BYE TIME
OI!
I can't believe this Mavis dating thing is still going on! Way back in August last year, I casually enquired as to whether or not Mavis would like to date my little kitty cat, Brian Milko.
Since then, everyone's tried to set up their cats with her. Well, get to the back of the queue you lot because mine asked first! If any cat gets to meet Mavis, when it should be my little Bri-Bri.
Isn't that right, WLW?
Queenie Careena
Missy Mavis is getting a bit precious —
I'VE STOPPED BEING HER GO-BETWEEN
PENGUINS AND PILCHARDS
Penguins and pilchards haven't been mentioned on 'Zine for a while, WLW. But let's not forget the important contribution they make to society. Where would we be without them?
Big up to all penguins and pilchards worldwide.
The Man With The Golden Bun
So, this 'important contribution'
WOULD BE... ER... WHAT, EXACTLY?
THINGS I LEARNED LAST YEAR
- The Prime Minister has a doorbell with 'PUSH' written on it.
- Bob the Builder plays a custom-made left-handed guitar. However, he can hammer equally well with both hands.
- Policemen don't like being asked if their head goes all the way up to the top of their hat.
You never know when these facts might come in useful.
Pablo Marmite
I learned that, while lime green
MAY LOOK GOOD ON OTHER PEOPLE...
A POEM ABOUT ANIMALS
I've never heard a duck say "quack"
Neither a dog say "woof"
I've never heard a mouse say "squeak"
But, I once had a thrilling heated debate with a kangaroo regarding the French Revolution.
1929
Who said poems need to rhyme,
OR INDEED, MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL?
HEY LOW 'ZINERS!
You know what really annoys me? Well, I'm gonna tell you. The stupid people who walk slowly down/up the middle of the stairs at train stations.
I mean, I have a train to catch! These people insist on walking in the middle so no-one can get past. What is up with them?
Some days, I think it's a conspiracy. These people are part of some scheme to make our lives difficult. Hey, maybe Westlife are also part of this evil.
anomie60
I hate that too! Hate it! They do it in
THE STREET, AT FOOTIE MATCHES...
READY STEADY COOK
Great programme, but how exactly are you supposed to "win"?
It might be understandable if the chefs won, but all the contestants seem to do is stand around drinking wine and talking about their hang-gliding holidays.
Or maybe there's some kind of skill in that. Perhaps I'm missing something.
Ms Jane Lane
Missing nothing as far as I can see.
IT'S BBC2 DRIVEL AT ITS 'BEST'
