The Mega-Zine Museum

December 21—22, 2001

GOTHIC RAEVEN You know that it can't be all bad when the guy that you adore lets you play his new guitars. I can't think of anything that says; "I like/love you" more. Neither can I.

GALDER WEATHERWAX'S HAT If the dictionary's in alphabetical order, then how come the first word in mine is 'Oxford'? Ha ha ha ha ha... oh dear.

KELLOGULATION Do the words "chew with your mouth closed" have no meaning in our society anymore? Not in Tottenham.

THE BRIGADIER!

Glass of port! Smoking a pipe! Deerstalker hat! Good God man, you are a wonderful display of manliness.

Please lean on the marble mantelpiece and talk down at me.

I shall dress as a French maid.

The Snorkmistress

Don't get involved, love —

I DON'T THINK HE'S ALL THERE

LIMERICKS IN POETRY CORNER

There was a young boy from Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
Though he started off fine,
When he reached the last line,
They were usually far too long and didn't rhyme either.

Don't worry, I know I'm not funny.

Five-minute phobia

So long as you know —

DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO SAY

WHAT I'D BUY YOU ALL IF I COULD AFFORD IT

Smashed Strawberry, Hector's House

It's the thought that counts, though

SPROUTS AND DAVORD — NOT A GOOD IDEA

MR GUITAR PLAYER

Mr Guitar Player, will you strum me a chord?
Mr Guitar Player, will you tap me a beat?
'Cos I'm sitting here, sitting here so sad,
And I need you,
To play for me.

Mr Guitar Player, give a flick of your hair,
Mr Guitar Player, please play for me

Lucozade Lover

The standard of Poetry Corner has

RISEN CONSIDERABLY LATELY

DIETS

I have just discovered the best way to lose weight. Forget all the clap trap they told you on This Morning — all you need is a Fred Durst fridge magnet!

It's simple. You put dirty Durst on the fridge so, when you go to get some chocolate, you see him looking back at you. Somehow, after seeing him you don't feel hungry anymore.

Within a week you'll be a stick insect.

Grillamo

Interesting theory — This Morning

CERTAINLY MISSED THAT ONE

BOXES ARE GREAT!!

Why oh why do most adults find it so strange that kids prefer the boxes that their Christmas presents come in, to the presents themselves?

Last year my kids bought me a present but, unknown to them, the box was actually a 23rd century badger-drawn carriage.

I had such fun on the day, trotting merrily across fields, those cheeky badgers pulling the carriage gracefully along.

Oh what lovely fun!!

Buttered Scone

A badger-drawn carriage was the box?

WHAT ON EARTH WAS THE PRESENT?

ANNOUNCEMENT

Trendy, ill-kempt youths. I thought I would let you all know that I'm exploring foreign climes and doing exciting things this Christmas, so this will be my last epistle to you for a couple of weeks. Will you all miss me?

I shall be on safari in an exotic land where I intend to shoot ducks. Thenceforth, I shall proceed to eat them.

Splendiferous.

The Brigadier

Nooooooo... not poor ickle duckies —

NOW TURKEYS... THEY'RE UGLY

Back

Next