Mega-Zine
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June 27, 2001

NIHILISTIC REBEL I'm Bella! I'm Milo! I'm Jake! I'm Fizz! Actually, that's a lie. I'm not really any of the Tweenies. Sorry. Be thankful for that!

THE CEREAL KILLER In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death. To think I missed the last fire drill.

ANTITHESIS I have another take on the identity of WLW. Rather than being Anne Robinson, I put the view that he/she/it is that shouty bloke from Boot Camp, what do you say? What? WHAAAAAAAAAT???

 

WORDS AND THINGS

If you stare at a normal object for long enough, it becomes completely surreal and scary.

The same with words. Think about a word for long enough, and it ceases to make any sense!

I have convinced myself on several occasions that "chocolate" cannot possibly be real.

Sir Whence Pitchfork

Oh, but it is —

IT SOOOOOOOO IS!

 

A WARNING TO YOU ALL

I have finally worked out what has happened to all the letters I have sent that have not been printed.

They are taken by the Letter Fairy (who doubles as the E-mail Fairy) to Letter Mountain, a bit like the Tooth Mountain where Tooth Fairies take teeth. They are then presented to Davord who eats them for breakfast.

So be warned!

The 12th Lemon

Darn! OK, so who talked, eh?

OR YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME?

 

WLW'S CULINARY HEROES

Right. It seems Le Pukka Tukka Enfant Terrible has wriggled his way into WLW's good books by looking like one of WLW's culinary heroes.

So, tonight WLW... I'm going to be...

Nigella Lawson!

Cardboard Sheep In A Coma

No, not quite the same. I mean,

SHE'S PRETTY BUT, SHE AIN'T PUKKA

 

'ZINERS,

Does anyone remember a programme called Uncle Jack? I used to watch it all the time when I was younger.

Unfortunately, I can't remember what it was about. I remember the theme tune though — it was great!

So, if anyone knows what the subject of this masterpiece was, please enlighten me. Otherwise I'll... erm... I don't know what I'll do.

Miss World

I'd love to help, no... really!

HOWEVER, I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST

 

MY TOP 10 THINGS

  1. Worcester sauce crisps
  2. Vodka
  3. Joy Division
  4. Sonic Youth
  5. Sleep
  6. Carrot cake
  7. The Donnas
  8. Strawberry milkshakes
  9. Squirrels
  10. Fire

Alcoholic

Any particular order? Although,

WORCESTER SAUCE CRISPS... OOOOOH!

 

WLW'S IDENTITY

I don't know if anyone has thought of or suggested this before, but taking into account WLW's best-known traits:

  1. Quick-witted
  2. Reclusive/secretive
  3. Intelligent
  4. The fact that his gender cannot be determined from his words.

Ladies and gentlemen, WLW is none other than Morrissey! Debate settled.

Misfit

So? What difference does it make?

HA HA HA HA HA... OH DEAR, SORRY

 

'ZINE,

Cartoon to remember:Albert The 5th Musketeer
'Zine Anthem:Radiohead — Idioteque (just for the word idiot in the title)
Thought for the day:It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just downright hilarious!

Why is a building not called a built? Discuss.

Fish On The Line

Too many things to ponder

TOO MUCH SUNBATHING TO DO