The Mega-Zine Museum
June 28, 2001
INSOMNIAC Yesterday, I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory! You know what a thought did? Hopped on a muck cart, thought it was a wedding. I have no idea what that means, but my mum told me, so it must be true.
KIT KAT Jif Micro Liquid where are you? Aaaaargh! I hated that ad! Hated it!
DEMENTED WHEELIE BIN FROM HELL Hey look WLW, no hands! Get down from there now! And don't let me catch you near that trapeze again, y'hear?
NEW DEBATES
| The Key Of G Minor | vs | Shower Curtains |
| Chalk | vs | Cheese |
| Bowler Hats | vs | That Tingling You Get When You Sit On Your Foot |
| Emotion | vs | Wallpapering |
| Cat Biscuits | vs | Dog Snacks |
Sir Whence Pitchfork
Or maybe Hear'Say vs Pickle? Or even
IRON MAIDEN VS AN IRON LUNG?
CARTOON CRUSHES
Does anyone else have a crush on a cartoon character? I'm getting a thing for the Devil in 'God, The Devil and Bob'.
He's so charming and sweet! God doesn't respect him and he only has the incompetent Smeck for company. Poor baby!
Mr MacPhisto is better, though.
Miss MacPhisto
Not a crush, exactly, no...
NUFF RESPECT TO CARTMANN, THOUGH!
ABOUT DOGTANIAN
Does anyone remember the theme tune? There were these really high-pitched female voices that sang "all for one and one for all". Well, that's what I remember most about the show.
Wasn't it a kind of Eastern-style cartoon, like Pokemon, where all the characters had really big shiny eyes and there were loads of strange sound effects?
Well anyway, bye.
Ellie the Vampire Slayer
Yes! The theme tune was great, though
WE'RE NOT TALKING TOP CAT GREAT
EMPLOYMENT STRUCTURE
York is like a tree full of monkeys.
Those at the top look down and see nothing but smiling faces, those at the bottom look up and see nothing but... er... sorry, mum's calling — dinner's ready. I'll finish that off another time!
Apathy's Child
I think that's wise! By the way,
YOU DON'T WORK HERE, DO YOU?
THINK YOU MIGHT BE A DUCK?
Answer these simple questions and find out:
- Do you have webbed feet?
- Do you have waterproof feathers?
- Can you fly?
- Would you blindly follow a chicken to go and tell the king that the sky is falling down?
If the answer to most of these questions is "yes", congratulations — you are a duck!
She Who Lost The Plot
I answered 'yes' to two of them —
SO I'M A SEMI-DUCK? DUCKLING?
CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO TOWNIES
(This is true!)
| TOWNIE A: | Gail was cryin' cos she thought she was fat an' couldn't get a boyfriend, yeah? So I tried to make her feel better. |
| TOWNIE B: | What d'ya say? |
| TOWNIE A: | I tol' her loadsa people in my family are fat. They got boyfriends. |
Good friends don't grow on trees: they are hatched in laboratories.
Rala Rwdins
Fantastic!
I FEEL A SITCOM COMING ON!
'ZINERS
All that Father's Day lark is so discriminative. It's not like there's a son's and daughter's day, is it? Respect your youngers, I say!
And another thing, on the subject of teachers, what type of teacher do you find most annoying? Mine are the ones in primary school who always used to look down on me and say "Stop telling tales" whenever I had a problem to report.
Grrrrrrrr.
Frank The Potato
All primary school teachers annoy me —
THEY SHOULD LOOK UP 'PATRONISING'!
