The Mega-Zine Museum
October 14, 1999
ENIGMA A fly can't bird but a bird can fly. Except the one my cat ate this morning.
LEMON KITTEN This is my first letter, I'm young good looking and... Have a first-class imagination?
WHEELS OF FIRE Why do teachers get a job in a school when they obviously don't like teenagers? Revenge.
CAPTAIN FISH A little brown package was sent to me but I'm too scared to open it. Get a dispensible younger sibling to do the deed.
ZINERS,
I read of people being mauled by bulls and swallowed by snakes and eaten by crocodiles.
It makes me think of the concept of divine retribution for all those millions of shoes and handbags.
Hector The Mercenary
Whatever next,
SWARMS OF MARAUDING PRAWNS?
JON THE POSTMAN,
Why do men like BMWs?
It's the only car they can spell.
How do you stop a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How do you get rid of 200lbs of ugly, useless, unwanted fat?
Divorce him.
You will never win...
Generation X
I'm afraid
YOU ASKED FOR IT
HMPH! GRR!
Fearing that you wouldn't print my letter, I have decided to send you a death threat.
I realise that you must have had many before but this is different... be afraid... be very afraid.
Before I do this could you possibly print your home address? It's tricky to sound convincing when threatening someone unless you know where they live.
The Sheep On Springs
Sorry, threats from a woolly jumper
JUST AREN'T SCARY
TO THE UNFORGIVEN,
My nose is bleeding.
My eyes are scratched.
My clothes are torn,
My boots are worn.
I have no home
So I'm alone,
What the hell am I trying to say?
Master Of Puppets.
I don't know but I'd say you've
RUN INTO NEXT DOOR'S CHIHUAHUA
