Mega-Zine
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December 30, 1998

AUD Inward beauty does not need exfoliating once a month. Join me Ziners in a renaissance of spiritual atheism. Yes but to do so you must first have a good foundation (get it?).

HENYA OF STONEHENGE If everyone is an individual, how come some of us think the same things? Didn't I say that?

HUCKLEBERRY THE HICKY-BEARING FRIEND Has anyone seen my left eyebrow? I think I lost it in a moment of panic. Shave your 'tash off and use that!

 

WHAT TO DO WITH UNWANTED PRESENTS

  1. Give it a big hug and tell it how sorry you are
  2. Send it to Megazine
  3. Push it through somebody's letterbox who you don't like
  4. Leave it in the middle of the street and see who picks it up
  5. Re-wrap the gift and when you next see a boy/girl you fancy, give it to them for being beautiful.

Banana Lady

But if the present is underwear

DON'T WEAR IT FIRST!

 

THINGS TO DO WHILE SALES SHOPPING

  • Keep turning on all the irritating singing Christmas tree lights until the shop assistant tells you to leave
  • Stick labels to the back of the person in front of you
  • Remark rather loudly how the nearest shop sells Furbys, then run to avoid the stampede
  • Duck down and crawl between the legs of other shoppers to escape from your family.

Jessie the Rabbit

You must be great fun...

TO GO SHOPPING WITH - NOT!

 

MORE ON THE CHEESE THEORY

If cheese isn't your thing then chalk is where it's at. Chalk is white and powdery and symbolises the moon.

Coloured chalk is special chalk, the colours say "get" and funnily enough you get more pleasure in drawing with common white chalk.

Chalk-addicts are moon-children. You see, chalk and cheese.

The Radiator

Leave your mother's Prozac

ALONE!

 

A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS

I've got a friend at college who lived in Saudi Arabia for six years. During the year of the rabid weasel, (they have a different calendar over there), his villa was struck by a plague of locusts.

Being an eight-year-old, my friend went outside in the plague. He said some of the locusts sat on him and nibbled his hair. You wouldn't get that here would you?

Spurros

Of course you wouldn't...

THERE ARE NO VILLAS!