The Mega-Zine Museum
June 1, 1998
ALCOPOP BOY Maid of the River, women warriors tend to have a Y chromosome, a genetic defect. It is rare but not unheard of. That's why they look manly. Many female murderers are domestic in origin and have psychological problems. X, Y, Zzzzzzzzz..... plop.
NIMROD I passed wind very loudly the other day and almost blew my sister's head off. You weren't sitting... UGH!
DEAR 'ZINE,
I have noticed something. I seem to like the name Brian for some reason.
I am addicted to Brians! I just love Brian Warner (MM), Brian Molko and Brian (Tura Santana).
I've become fascinated with that damn name! Can anyone help?
PVC Girl Wrapped In Plastic
Being Brians doesn't make them messiahs
THEY'RE VERY NAUGHTY BOYS!
TO THE WIMBLEDON COLLEGE BOY WHO CATCHES THE 164 BUS
I am the girl you think is a psycho-hose-beast - the one with bug-eyed sunglasses and blue streaks in her hair - on the bus. You told me your name was Bernie and sent my knees a-trembling.
I heard you listening to Radiohead and you're the only person I know who likes them, so please (on my knees and begging here) talk to me.
Miss Mitchell (I'm not a mad slasher, stalker or homicidal maniac)
Another tortured, desperate Radiohead
FAN - NO SURPRISES THERE THEN...
DEAR 'ZINERS
I would like to appeal to any 'Ziners to help me in the search for my faithful porridge.
I last saw it in Bilston B&Q. It is very fond of wheelie bins so check yours, and your neighbours' (and notice how everyone gathers round laughing as you do).
If you have seen my faithful porridge, please contact me.
Shakespearian, without faithful porridge
Gone? Knowing Oats - may be some time!
P.S. HOW FAITHFUL EXACTLY? QUAKER?
DARLING 'ZINE
Here are the winners of this year's Drosscers, the award for incredible leaps in the area of dodgy adverts.
Worst Actor:
Oh, I can't get to the bank, but I must sort out that loan!
Worst Actress:
You don't think using dry white wine was a bit of a cheat, do you?
Worst Special Effects:
Grecian 2000
Cheesiest Ad:
Sunny Delight (adolescents never get that excited over a soft drink!)
The Beautiful One
It's all done ad-hoc! Perhaps they
NEED A NEW, IMPROVED FORMULA...
DEAR DANA SCULLY
Well done my dear how on earth did you find me here? You have done incredibly well to find the most secret and dashing agent in the world.
So babe, if you want to get in (very close) contact so that we can work undercover send a letter addressed to me here and the delightful WLW is sure to pass it on to me.
Raffles Roughdiamond - The dashing secret agent 009
I wouldn't bet on it, "dashing" one.
I DON'T DEAL WITH RIFF-RAFFLES!
