The Mega-Zine Museum
June 8, 1997
MR FLOPPY wonders if we'd be so quick to chop down trees if they could scream. There's a Roald Dahl story about screaming plants.
COSMIC COWBOY is being self-disciplined and revising instead of lying out in the sun and feeling dizzy and sick afterwards - and getting duff results.
THE SHADOWRUNNER is a vampire hunter so watch out all you undead. Garlic breath is on his way.
DEAR 'ZINE
While in bed last night I was woken by a large moth stuck in my lampshade. I freed it but forgot to close my window, so later I awoke to the terrifying sight and sound of all my posters blowing off my walls and around my room.
Then my cat mewed to be let in, then mewed to be let out again. Then at about 4am a car alarm went off and didn't stop for an hour.
This morning I was knackered. I spilt my muesli, lost my sunglasses, dropped the telephone and missed the bus.
The Dove from Above
It's spilt milk, muesli, whatever! Just
IGNORE THE CAT AND SHUT THE WINDOW!
TO 'ZINE READERS
On my debut appearance I would like to share my theory of existence.
We are all little muffin people living on a giant hairball coughed up millennia ago by a giant goldfish. This goldfish lives on top of a fish in space in its goldfish bowl, aka the sun.
Light is generated by the fish swimming round at dangerously high speeds. When we muffin people die we go to the salad drawer of the magical fridge.
Sometime Angel
It must get pretty crowded in there.
ESP IF THERE ARE BITS OF BROCCOLI.
DEAR 'ZINE
I'd like to draw the world's attention to the biggest ever berk of humankind: David Emmanuel of Daytime TV (ITV) and his "fashion dash".
If he smarmed near me with his soma called fashions I'd be dashing in the opposite direction. This man and his hairstyle are must be stopped!
Vomage Frais
Can't say I've had the pleasure of
WATCHING THE MAN
DEAR BASKETCASE
I think you should just go up to the bloke and give him a great big hug! I do it all the time. I even went up to a depressed-looking bloke in a club once and kissed him.
Mind you, it is possible he might run off thinking you're a weirdo.
Take the risk.
Sunflower
Oh the follies of youth! To be sixteen
AND FULL OF NEW UNRULY FEELINGS!
