June 19, 2006

Space mail

THE TALENTLESS MR RIPLEY So, WLW, you might not be much longer for this world? I always knew you'd be the first giraffe in space. Send us a postcard! No probs. It's in the post.

GEOFF HOON ARMY I once swallowed WLW and so I got carried to hospital by men in pink shorts and latex socks! Where do flies stand in today's liberalist society? I think you might be carried away by men in white suits if you're not careful.


Pussy cats on the loose

I see that black bears are scared of pussy cats so my cat is currently planning to start a reign of terror.

I have admit that if a certain football team was decapitated and their heads used for a kick around, it would not be a great loss. You could replace their brains with a bit of string.

Princess Psycho

Just make sure you leave Rooney's metatarsal alone.


Living rooms

When I first heard of a living room, I got very excited.

When I first stepped in a living room, I was severely disappointed. It didn't even twitch.

Vigilante Maelstrom

I felt a similar way when I read your letter.


No fun

It's all fun and games til someone gets hurt. Then it's just fun.

And speaking of fun, my good friend seems to have lost his. If found please return it to him.

His e-mail address is

Paddy Irishman

It's always in the last place you look, isn't it? I'm off down to lost property to see if it's been handed in.


Seen my mittens?

No, they're not really. I just thought it sounded funny. However...

I keep losing things that rhyme. I lost my mittens and I lost my kittens. I lost my pens and I lost my hens. It feels like my life is a Dr Seuss book.

Have you seen my things, WLW? I bet Dr Namgge stole them. Namgge is a nowt.

Smashed Strawberry, Hector's House

I'm off down to lost property now, so I'll check for you.


Wolf chase

WLW, I am afraid of the big bad wolf, he lurks in the field near my house and steals sweets and money off people.

He only comes out at night so I'm his prime target, he chases me all over town, but I guess you gotta get your exercise somehow, eh?

The Vampire of Ye Olde Hinkytown

Yeah, beats those rowing machines in the gym.