Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

October 2, 2005

GELFLING Where are all the jobs? Someone give me a job. I have degree in English and Film if that helps. Oh, and a pretty face. Start on Monday!

NORMAN RADCLIFFE Somebody told me to teach my gran to suck eggs. I did, and she cut me out of her will. A yolk?

TEXT MESSAGED TREATS

MECHANIC MONKEY Emma-the-lil'-Angel, can you sing? I sound like a flu-ridden walrus on a good day, so we need your angelic voice. She can wing it.

DADDYPOOS A giraffe in a hat at a wedding would look ridiculous. I looked dafter in my balaclava at a funeral.

TALLULAH THE TURQUOISE WITCH I first appeared on here nearly eight years ago. Do I get the star prize - remote control socks? They have run off.

Why has nobody in EastEnders

MENTIONED THE 2012 OLYMPICS YET?

SLEEP DEPRIVATION

Sleep deprivation leads to:

sore eyes
lack of concentration
paranoia
falling down stairs
broken limbs
hospitalisation

So sleep tight children. Don't let the bed bugs bite - especially not when you're in hospital.

So Many Fish

It's hard getting 40 winks

WITH MY LONG EYE-LASHES

BRITISH PEOPLE

Why is it that British people feel the need to point out the blatantly obvious? "It's warm today" to auntie's favourite: "Gosh, you've grown!"

One of my friends even said to me the other day: "You've straightened your hair!" As if I had completely blanked out whilst doing it.

But I can't complain too much as this British compulsion did come in handy when I was wearing odd earrings the other day.

Enchanted Rose

Ooh I say! You have

WRITTEN ME A LETTER

MORE ON THE BAND

I know someone has already taken guitarist but we need more than one. So I'm putting myself forward as second guitarist. I have a guitar and several amps and I can play it.

Can someone send a list of the band so far? I need to catch up.

Souroff Dark Lord of Dormor

Sorry, no more guitarists, but

WE HAVE A VACANCY ON TRIANGLE

STILTS

I have discovered the answer to world peace: stilts. Stilts, if not subject to prolonged use, never fail to amuse.

If every single person had a pair of stilts (and, while they're at it, long trousers), there'd be a lot more amusement in the world.

There'd be a lot more injuries too, but let's not talk about that for the moment.

The Wonky Gnome

And we could eat lots of cheese

PROBABLY STILTON

PURE IDIOCY

Well, I'm an idiot because I called my teacher an idiot. To her face. And now my class despises me because I kind of brought them into it - including my new boyfriend, who probably won't be one for long. Oops.

I actually do feel really bad but I don't think I conveyed that very well. So now she'll say something, hate me forever and I'll fail. Miserably.

Boy, am I one sheepish snail...

Ambiguous Snail

Why not come out of your shell

AND SAY SORRY?

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