The Mega-Zine Museum
August 22, 2005
THE YORKIE BAR OF DOOM I've got a new violin teacher. He's rubbish on the violin and has a massive, massive nose. Thought I'd let you know. Yorkie Bar as the next Vanessa Mae? Who nose?
MEET TRUTH WART I hate the Manics. Change the record, someone. Please.
PAGE TWO TEXTY-RANTS
APHRA THE POST-MODERN SPY I am the magnificent 007. The name's Spy, Aphra the Post-modern Spy. No, doesn't work.
JUICY STRAWBERRY, HECTOR'S HOUSE I can see you, but you can't see me. How many fingers am I holding up to you then?
I AM THE CRAZY I'm on my way to London. The weather's getting worse as we get further south. Ooh, I miss Yorkshire. Want a postcard? Mmm, yes. I've always wondered what it was like in London.
Never mess with a man who can eat a
LEMON WITHOUT SCRUNCHING UP HIS FACE
WHAT A RESULT
Bombay mix burns my mouth, and I don't even want to think about the calories in it.
I'm in the middle of revision season. This sucks, especially when everyone else is getting exam results.
I got two As and two Bs at A-level. This is cool because my results spell "baba" and "abba".
Well better than four As.
Numberthree
If you'd got an E you'd be "babe"
WHAT A SHAME YOU GOT AN A INSTEAD
MY IMAGINARY FRIEND
She is so cool.
She is funny and smart, and also she interrupts me when I am going to say lots of silly and muddled things abou- (gosh, thank you, Esme!)
Little Blue Fox
When you eat out, do you ask the
WAITER FOR AN EXTRA SEAT FOR ESME?
EL PROMO
The night before results day, the majority of my school year turned up for the prom. That's right, the prom. Whoever heard of a prom in Chester? Connecticut, yes, but here? No.
One girl brought her 25-year-old brother along. He did the funky chicken AND the robot, with a look of utter determination on his face.
Highlights included trying to set our table on fire with a mixture of candles and party poppers.
Satan's Little Helper
Robot, chicken, but not the Macarena
HE NEEDS TO KEEP UP WITH THE TIMES
THE BIRGIDALE BIKE
Cheese is a kind of meat? How dare you steal from the magical Mighty Boosh? How very dare you.
I demand an apology and two litres of your own tears to prove how sorry you are. On my desk by tomorrow.
Maximus Decimus
Two litres?! The BB housemates could
BARELY FILL A TINY CUP BETWEEN THEM
CHAT-UP LINES
What could be the most cheesiest chat-up line ever?
Could it be: "Your eyes are like diamonds, I want to steal them"?
No wait. "My diamonds are like..." That's not right either.
Let's just stick with: "I love you, let's go and live in a rainbow together."
Lara Croft
What's the main export of Brazil?
COFFEE? YEAH, OK, MY PLACE OR YOURS?
