Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

June 8, 2005

YEAHYEAHYEAH Something's missing, but I can't seem to put my finger on it. Your remote control?

SPACE MATADOR I am sure there are a fair few Scots who write into 'Zine (myself included). Why should there be less Scots than English people? Why are there less Jaffas than giraffes?

GROOVI CARROT Food is so impolite, you rip open the packet, eat its insides then throw it away, and it doesn't even say thanks... Mine does?

ODE TO MYSELF

I love myself I really do
I am so much better than you
Take a good look and all will see
You mere mortals are just beneath me.

Crikey, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

Salmon Rusty

You must have literary genes, Salmon

EITHER THAT OR TOO-TIGHT JEANS

GOODBYE

Well, WLW. We both knew this day would come. It is with teary eyes I tell you, (gulp), I'm handing in my 'Zine resignation.

I only lasted just under a year, but I've run out of stories to tell, people to anger and children to scare.

I'm gonna keep reading 'Zine - but for now at least, I'm hanging up my 'Zine cloak. The Chair may well return, but... well... goodbye for now.

Interesting Chair

You may think you're going? But what

ABOUT IF I BREAK ONE OF YOUR LEGS?

SLUG & SNAIL - EPISODE 4

SNAIL:	I can can see you're back. Long time no see.
SLUG:	Thanks. And you, likewise.
SNAIL:	So what have you been up to?
SLUG:	Oh, I took a light stroll.
SNAIL:	Really? I wouldn't call a three-week stroll light.
SLUG:	Alright then, an ultra-light stroll.

The Owl of Bewilderment

I'm glad I don't carry my house

ON MY BACK LIKE SNAIL-Y

TRUE STORY

There once was a guy called Matthew Birchinger. He played four musical instruments, he was an expert calligrapher and was the most famous stage magician of his day.

He performed magic tricks that have never been explained.

However, Birchinger had no hands, legs or thighs, and was less than 29 inches tall.

The Friendly Prophet of Doom

If you'd said less than 31" tall I'd

KNOW WHO YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT

IN MY ENGLISH WRITTEN EXAM

I chose to write a story that had to be set on a form of transport. So, my main character, Stuart, took the train with his family from Glasgow to see his sick granny in Cornwall. At Carlisle, some scruffy guy took a businessman hostage.

Just as he points a gun at Stuart's mum, his little brother Stevie wakes up and dives into his stomach. Then the Manchester Fast Action Response Team (F.A.R.T) appear, and save the day.

Crinkle-cut Beatroot

Better than the Birmingham Urgent

RESPONSE POLICE (B.U.R.P)?

STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER?

Today we did a biology paper for A2. Quite respectable, you'd think. Why, you would follow, that must contain some seriously serious questions.

Nay.

Two-thirds of the marks were for a question about cattle faeces and how well a "superpat" dung beetle does in comparison to a native dung beetle at shifting it. Two thirds of the marks!

Matthias Mortimer Zulu

Hope you took your time and didn't

DIVE IN HEAD FIRST

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