The Mega-Zine Museum
January 30, 2005
THE OWL OF BEWILDERMENT That new Killers song is really confusing. Is he gay or isn't he? That's what we want to know. You can never tell these days.
DEMENTED HAGGIS HUNTER George Bush is a monkey. It is true! Have a look and you will see that this is so. I bet he doesn't like giraffes. But he loves bananas.
DJ DAVE There's this new sick joke going around. The punchline is Ashlee Simpson. Ooh, meeeow, Dave!
PERSONALISATION
I bought a new bag this weekend. It's nice and bag-like. But it looks a little dull. So I was thinking of personalising it somehow.
I was going to stick a pair of binoculars onto it, but they wouldn't fit, so then I tried sticking a pirate cutlass on, but that was big and awkward.
So I'm currently sporting both, but it looks cluttered. How do I get around this problem?
Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller
You need to swap the binoculars for
AN EYE PATCH, SILLY
DARE TO BELIEVE
Fly like a mouse, run like a cushion, be the small bookcase, Dare to Believe! Has anyone seen this programme? It's on at stupid o'clock on Sunday morning and it's the most bizarre and funniest thing you are ever likely to see.
With the environmental department's otter survey, the aqua man and what seems to be a strange obsession from the writers about random things exploding, it's pure comic genius.
The Spontaneously Combusting Penguin
Funnier and more bizarre even, than
THE LETTERS FROM YOU GIRAFFELETS?
SHOCKING!
I sat down last Sunday night to watch American Pie. I'd heard the jokes and seen the trailers. I wasn't expecting to be amused. But, then Oz appeared!
My mother and I took bets as to whether he'd be the "most decent lad". I was still sceptical.
By the end of the film, my mum was smug. The film was not just a series of smutty gags - it put relationships in a positive light. Well done... film-makers.
Luco El Loco
Yes, well done! Still don't see
APPLE PIE IN THE SAME LIGHT THOUGH
OH, JEREMY!
The Vigilante Maelstrom plays the Dennis game.
We play the Jeremy game, which is exactly like the Dennis game except for the name used is Jeremy, on the grounds of it being a bit rarer.
Whoever gets the most is the winner; kissing a Jeremy gets bonus points; however, if it's Jeremy Beadle, you are allowed to punch him.
Princess Psycho
What about Jeremy Paxman? Surely
EXTRA POINTS FOR EXTRA BRAINS?
DANCING SKANKIN' LAYDEE:
So you think I'm the 'Ziner formerly known as He Who Loves To Skank, do you? Well, in the words of Little Britain's Ray McCooney: "Maybe I am and maybe I'm not!" Cue the flute...
OK, so I'm not, but that doesn't mean we can't be an item. You could change your name to The Dancing Marbleless Laydee! I've always had a soft spot for you.
He Who Has Lost His Marbles
What have I told you lot about using
THE 'ZINE PAGES AS A DATING SERVICE!
KITTEN CITY
Any 'Ziners seen Fatboy Slim's new video? Now that is a brilliant idea! Kittens living in a city! I love the fact that they act exactly like humans. Well sort of.
I think this video inspires us all to create cities and countries, for teeny-weeny cats to live in, so we can awe at them all day.
Although it would get a bit crowded when they turn into big cats and then we all forget about it.
Anime Buddy
If I, at 23 stories high, can do it
SO CAN THOSE POWER-MORPHING MOGGIES
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS...
...Of The Fir Kind.
I'm glad that cats got mentioned recently - what with Emma-the-'lil-Angel's baby cat.
I wish there were more letters about cats. I'm crazy about them. I used to have eight coming to my house everyday. But one moved to France, one died and another had a close encounter with some squirrels.
The French Cat Lover
So now you have 5 visit you every
DAY? CAN MEDULLA GET AN INVITE?
