The Mega-Zine Museum
January 21, 2005
LOST IN TRANSLATION The best time to drink a cup of tea: as soon as you've finished your previous cup. Don't forget the biscuits for dunking.
JUNIOR MINISTER How come Graeme Souness did not get an OBE in the New Year Honours List? I thought he would be Out Before Easter. Give it time.
SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER Here I am today in our grimy capital city for a change. Yay. London rules. As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset I am in paradise.
WLW = CUCUMBER
I was in a convenience store when the lady in front of me was buying various vegetables. When the cucumber was being scanned the message on the price thing said: "WLW = Cucumber."
Is this true, WLW? Are you actually not a giraffe, but a genetically enhanced cucumber sent from the future to enslave us and make us eat only meat and no veg?
If so, can you do it soon, because that sounds like fun.
Dr Namgge
No I'm a genetically modified
GIRAFFE SENT TO ENSLAVE CUCUMBERS
MY FIRST LIST
Seeing as I have been here for a wee while now I thought I would give a list to further push me into the close-knit circle of WLW's favourite 'Ziners.
So my list is on my fave colour of Chucks.
- brown cord
- green tartan
- red tartan
- aqua
- green
Next week, a poem dedicated to Chucks. Obsessed? Me?
The Dancing Skanking Laydee
Brown cord? Green tartan?
YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CHUCK UP?
WITHOUT MEGA-ZINE
Just what would you do if 'Zine ceased to exist? Not you, WLW, I know what you'd do. That queue is so much smaller without you covering the nice people in shadow, you'd go back there.
But really, I mean, all you 'Ziners with nothing better to do - the ones on all the time. You'd be majorly stuck.
What's B*ckch*t like these days, now Busted have conked out?
Farmer Jack
Enough of this talk of life without
'ZINE. CARELESS TALK COSTS JOBS
THE HEAD TOWEL THING
If I remember correctly (which I probably don't) I once wrote a letter about the bizarre thing females do with their hair.
I couldn't figure out how they did it. Magnets, ropes, a hidden series of pulleys? It baffled me.
But today, after my shower, I attempted said feat and got it right! What does this mean?
The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning
It means you just got lucky
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN
HELP THE AGED
I am probably the oldest-acting person I know. One of my friends, who happens to be of the same age, has the mental age of four. I on the other hand am twice my physical age (probably).
Why did The Big Cheese lumber me with this grouchy old mind? In fact there are a few other things wrong with me - but that's not for here.
The Owl of Bewilderment
Blimey, when you're 90 you'll act
LIKE A 180-YEAR-OLD
THE DENNIS GAME
This is a quite interesting game that you've got to try:
Go into your local town and shout: "Hey, Dennis!"
Whoever turns around is called Dennis.
Suddenly, Dennis is a much more common name than you thought. It's very intriguing.
Vigilante Maelstrom
Try blowing a whistle at the train
STATION. WATCH PEOPLE RUN FOR IT
WHAT WONDERFUL PYLONS
Isn't the intraweb the most marvellous invention? I can spend hours on it, you know, being perpetually enlightened.
A particular site I enjoy is of one showing all the various pylons there are around the world.
The photographs show a symmetry of purpose that is most edifying.
Dogberry, my cat, is constantly purring at all the colourful displays.
The Brigadier
Don't spend too long on the web or
A SPIDER WILL EAT YOU
