The Mega-Zine Museum
December 3—4, 2004
NUMBER THREE No WLW, Kylie backwards is eily.K. E.coli backwards is iloc.E. There is a flaw in your logic. Did you take GCSE English? I type with HOOVES.
LITTLE BLUE FOX I saw a horse race on Saturday, and one of the horses was called Farmer Jack. I so wanted him to win... but he fell over! Surprised?
JUNIOR MINISTER I couldn't possibly be seen backing Tory candidates for PM, Matthias Mortimer Zulu. Imagine if this got out. Deeply unthinkable.
THE AGE GAME
It dawned on me the other day that everyone on 'Zine is of different ages. Here's how old I think some 'Ziners are...
Junior Minister: 23
Kitty: 15
Norman Radcliffe: 42
Topper: 6
Lord Charles: 157
WLW: 4
Dr Namgge's Evil Side
You got mine right but how many
HUMAN YEARS TO A GIRAFFE'S, EH?
DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD
I have missed more ICT lessons than I should have. This week I had to think of a reason to explain why I have missed so many lessons.
I told the tutor I'm allergic to his aftershave. When the inevitable: "Well, you're fine now..." popped up, I took my neighbour's banana breaktime snack, smeared it across my face and said: "The reaction's happened..."
Toenail Clippings
To me it sounds like you're allergic
TO BANANAS. GO SEE SOMEONE
BECOMING A 'ZINER
Since Queen of the Elbow asked nicely, there's actually a big initiation ceremony, in which famous 'Ziners wearing cloaks hit you with large sticks and then throw you into the road wearing a traffic cone and the A-Z of Milton Keynes.
After that, you might become a 'Ziner. Or maybe we'll just shoot you. It's a chance you have to take.
Freshly Squeezed Cynic
So you've gone off the idea of an
I'M A CELEB-TYPE TEST? HEE HEE...
HAIRCUT
Technically, isn't giving yourself a bad haircut a self-inflicted wound? It involves cutting your own body, causes a great deal of distress and in some cases (like the big ol' vampire bat catching hairstyles), can even lead to death.
Why isn't there a bad haircut emergency therapy helpline?
Daggsy
Ooh, reminds me of the time I got my
HEAD SHAVED BY A LOW-FLYING AIRCRAFT
DIRT
It's all over everywhere, look at it!
It's on my hands, I can't get it off.
Oh please God, help me.
I can't take all the dirt...
Fooled you, hee hee. You thought I was a madman. Joke's on you. Yes, you.
YOU = ME X 3 - 2.
Topper
Hmm, methinks the dirt's gone to
YOUR HEAD. HAVE A WASH
SCHOOL
TEACHER: You know, you remind me of your brother when he was at school.
ME: What, astoundingly brainy?
TEACHER: No, astoundingly cheeky.
Well, I have to say that did spoil my aspirations of being a chemistry teacher, just a tad.
Alan Thompson's Left Peg
Isn't there and experiment you can
DO TO TURN CHEEK INTO TALENT?
IT'S ALL GETTING SMALLER
Have you noticed how everything's getting smaller? Phones and other appliances are getting smaller, the ozone layer's getting smaller, people are getting smaller. Last year, the year seven students looked like year sixes, and this year they look like year fives.
All of this makes me want to lie down. I'm going to my shrinking bed.
The Wonky Gnome
I wish my neck would get smaller
I'D LOVE TO BE ABLE TO WIND IT IN
