Mega-Zine
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December 30, 2004

BANANA SPLIT I got an e-mail from Santa and it was in French. I don't do French anymore so I have no idea what it says. I think I need to find a French person. Je ne sais rien...

PADDY IRISHMAN Does anyone else think it's ironic that Christmas carollers sing Silent Night? Nope.

DAGGSY Back next month. I'm off to hunt reindeer and fat blokes. Er, right, have fun.

 

THE COMMON GOAT

The goat is always going around boasting about how it can "eat anything". I challenge the goats among you to eat the following:

  • A house
  • Tony Blackburn's tongue
  • Niall Quinn
  • 13 pillows filled with dead goat.

Who's king of the farm now?

Stuttercut

Who's king of the farm?

THAT BLOKE JEFF BRAZIER, WASN'T IT?

 

THE ANNUAL DELOREAN AWARDS

  • Best 'Zine Letters 2004

I hereby present the awards for best 'Zine letters 2004:

  1. Hovis Products - The Groovi Carrot.
  2. Murphy's Flaw - Frodo Mercury the Hobbit Warrior.
  3. If Everyone Was Called Dave - Iceblink Luck
  4. Colourful Horse Poem - Topper

The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning

Let's enjoy these fine letters again

HAVE AN ACE CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

 

4th: HOVIS BAKING PRODUCTS

Has anyone else noticed how strange that new bread advert is? They say there is "nothing artificial about this family", Have I missed something? I have yet to meet anyone who is bright yellow.

But as it says later: "Maybe it is the bread they eat." Well, thank you - I think I'll avoid your baked goods at all costs.

The Groovi Carrot

Oh, use your loaf! I don't know why

YOU'RE BEING SO CRUSTY

 

3rd: MURPHY'S FLAW

Today I was eating my second breakfast when my toast fell on the floor. Contrary to Murphy's Law which states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, it did not fall butter-side down. Ha!

I found a flaw in your law, Murphy.

An explanation could be that I had not yet buttered it.

Frodo Mercury the Hobbit Warrior

So close to impressing us

THEN YOU BLEW YOUR COVER

 

2nd: IF EVERYONE WAS...

Just think how unerringly perfect the world would be if everyone was called Dave. Just imagine:

  • You'd never forget anyone's name.
  • You could pretend to be really popular: "Oh, Dave? I know him."
  • You could annoy the public by shouting: "Hey, Dave!" on a crowded street and watching everyone turn round.

Hours of fun!

Iceblink Luck

I think Jack would be better

YOU'D HAVE YOUR OWN FLAG

 

1st: COLOURFUL HORSE POEM

Oh horse of truth,
You spare my blushes,
Your angelic smile,
Never leave me...

You are brown.

Topper

Poetry on 'Zine... Ah...

MORE PLEASE, IT MAKES ME WEEP

 

THE ANNUAL DELOREAN AWARDS

  • Funniest WLW Comments 2004

I hereby present WLW with his/her Jaffa Cake-shaped gong, and congratulate him/her for the following comments.

  • That just takes the briskit.
  • So you're quite Keane on Rooney then?
  • It's murder on Zidane's floor!
  • Was that cement to be a joke?
  • White LINE warrior, the line is white, you fool!

The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning

What a nice pressie from all of you

I'LL EAT THE GONG ON CHRISTMAS DAY