Mega-Zine
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September 22, 2004

FRODO MERCURY THE HOBBIT WARRIOR Chemistry — the pyromaniac's dream. Only if you start messing with the Bunsen burner!

THE WONKY GNOME Exaggeration is the most important invention in the history of the world! I completely and totally and devotedly agree, agree-oh.

THE TARTAN THISTLE Higher maths — what is the point to it? X=MC2 x 3 % ΒΌ + A x B and put it all in a big tin and swirl 'til ready. There's yer answer.

 

MURDER SHE WROTE

Has anyone else noticed how everywhere Jessica Fletcher goes, someone gets murdered?

Mmm... it is all very suspicious if you ask me.

Mothman

No one ever suggested Miss Marple in

THE STUDY WITH A TYPEWRITER EITHER

 

ANONYMOUSNESS

I've just realised how anonymous 'Zine is. I could say anything and people would never know it was me! Look...

  • Tony Blair sucks
  • Satan's Little Helper sounds cute
  • Spiky Stuy can be entertaining
  • I own a Good Charlotte CD
  • I think that WLW and Mabel Mop have a secret crush on each other.

And you don't know who this is!

Definitely NOT Daggsy

I can absolutely deny any crush on my

LITTLE MABESY BABESY, THANK YOU!

 

HORRID BUS TALES

Today on the bus:

  • A fat lady sat on me.
  • A baby kicked me.
  • Some girl asked me out on a date.
  • Then she got all bitter and weird.
  • I got someone else's McFlurry on my jeans. Eww.

New New Model

There is a lesson to be learned:

GET SOME EXERCISE GUYS. WALK.

 

MR DANIELS

I can't take my new English teacher seriously as he sounds just like Paul Daniels. In fact, he may be his long lost brother.

I wait for him to say something like: "Pull the rabbit from the hat" or produce a bunch of flowers.

He also wears trousers too short in the leg, revealing white socks and pale leg.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this year...

Toenail Clippings

He IS Paul Daniels's brother. I hope

THAT MAKES LIFE EASIER FOR YOU

 

GASP!

This was the noise I made when I discovered that Looney Tune had tried to claim The Wonderful Derren Brown as her own.

Never! He is mine and I am more than ready to fight you for him.

Huh. Looney Tune. Rubbish name.

WLW, who are you backing?

Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore

Far be it from me to encourage love

WARS. BUT, IF I HAVE TO, I'LL GO FOR

 

I AM A COLOURED VEGETABLE

Don't you just love speaking weird languages? No? Just me then.

OK, so French is rather normal, unless you count answering as "Je suis une carrotte bleu" in registration.

I speak good old Finnish and Russian too, and in February I have a Russian exchange student staying with me! How funky is that?

Sheep, Igloos, and Sherbet Lemons

I hope you offer them more than

BLUE CARROTS FOR SUPPER

 

KEEPING ON LOOKING

I peeked at B*ckch*t the other day, but it was worth it just for this: "How come when you lose something it's always in the last place you look?"

That's deep, man. Whenever I've lost something, by the time I've found it I'm so into the searching spirit that I carry on looking in random cupboards all over the house for hours, just for a laugh.

Magical Me

I lost my Jaffa cakes once and it was

THE SECOND FROM LAST PLACE I LOOKED