The Mega-Zine Museum
September 10—11, 2004
FARMER JACK "...no-one can stop us now," says Moby, "cos we are all made of stars." Well... debatable. Well, men are from Mars...
LILAC LEOPARD People who ride crocodiles shouldn't throw hamsters. Sound piece of advice, eh, WLW? It is if you're a hamster.
DESTRUCTIVE GERBIL I am sure I have grown 3cm in the last month, but I can't find a ruler long enough... You must have very short rulers.
HAIR CARE HUNCH
I swear my hair was making me stupid. No seriously, I shall explain.
For months I thought that 'Zine had been deleted, replaced by some showbiz chat page. For months I moped around the house because I had lost my beloved WLW.
Until I had my hair cut and I realised that I was on the wrong channel.
The hair looks nice though.
Dim Llama
Just think of it as some kind of
FRINGE BENEFIT
QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS
- When Prince Charles becomes king, will he be the monarch formerly known as Prince?
- Why is my university accommodation like Cell Block H?
- Why does Emily Bishop never age?
- What's happened to my brother?
Junior Minister
Put this new jacket on. It has nice
SLEEVES THAT TIE AT THE BACK
PET PEEVES
Never keep a pet for too long. Look at Princess Anne — she's been an avid horse-lover for years.
Or what about Ken Livingstone? He's been collecting newts for a very long time and there's obviously "something of the newt" about him.
The closest I've ever had to a pet is a Tamagotchi, but luckily I threw it out before I became pixellated.
The Wonky Gnome
I kept my Barbie in an allotment
SHE WAS A CABBAGE PATCH DOLL
DJ DAVE — LISTEN UP
So, you think eating fish is OK because they don't remember. So really your reasoning is that animals that are less intelligent than you can be eaten.
That still leaves most of the animal kingdom. Well it does for me. If that intelligence rule applies, you might be living on dirt for a while.
The Bonafide Authenticated Real McCoy
Does that mean Dr Stephen Hawking
CAN EAT DJ DAVE?
THINGS I NEED TO LEARN
- Mohamed Al Fayed does not own Halfords.
- Doing something for 24 hours a week, 7 days a month isn't working hard enough.
- Patience is a virtue, tuna isn't.
Mr Fahrenheit
Work 7 hours a day, 24 days a month
IT'S MUCH EASIER
TIME FOR A REST
I saw a sign on the motorway yesterday.
It said "Rest Area 5 miles". That's pretty big isn't it.
Some people must be really tired.
Bank of Friendship
Oh, after a long journey I need a big
SPACE TO LAY MY NECK DOWN
FREE BREAD
While on holiday in Austria we were all given a ticket that entitled us to free fresh bread. The only problem was that the people giving out the bread spoke only German.
My dad had given his ticket to my mum. They didn't understand that the ticket was "with his wife".
How my dad thought he could communicate with them by speaking slower and louder, I'll never know. I hope I don't turn out like my father.
Flying Turnip
He didn't use his loaf — is he
GETTING A BIT CRUSTY?
