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September 5, 2004

THE TARTAN THISTLE My birthday is on the 9th and I'll be 16. Like Citizen Twiggy, I also don't want to turn 16, but I do want some presents. Please. I hope you're not looking at me..?

SOPHIA WISDOM What happens if a letter is too short for a big boy page and too long for page one? This is what happens

FRODO MERCURY THE HOBBIT WARRIOR Definition of tomato: The fruit that thinks it's a vegetable. Certain toms get embarrassed about it and sun-blush.

 

AFTER TWO HOURS IN THE QUEUE

...I was finally put through to Malcolm in Scotland. Mid-sentence, he informs me that "Where's it to?" isn't actually correct English. I pointed out that I'm English, and he's Scottish.

He then tarred all Somerset citizens, "farmers" and hung up!

Ah what's another two hours of Greensleeves? Hope that one was recorded for training purposes!

Stella's (ex) Soulmate

Hope he didn't also feather you when

HE TARRED YOU ALL...

 

THE COMMUNAL LETTER

I was wondering what would happen if every 'Ziner sent in the exact same letter at the exact same time on the exact same day... would you print them all, just the one that topped your list, the one from your favourite 'Ziner or someone obscure that nobody has ever heard of?

Or perhaps you'd just get your team of thermal-underwear clad penguins to invent some letters.

Elden Ray

Ooh you cheeky young tyke. Thermal-clad

PENGUINS? THEY WEAR FULL UNIFORM.

 

THINGS I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT:

  • Matt from Busted is mine, all mine!
  • The Rasmus are pathetic especially Lauri (or whatever his name is).
  • Cheese on beans is great.
  • When it rains, it never rains on my friend.
  • Newbies rule!
  • WLW is a man with an afro.

The Blonde Brunette

Do men have FOUR legs? Do men have

SPOTS? ACTUALLY FORGET THE LAST ONE.

 

MISTAKEN IDENTITY?

Our new neighbours have been living next door to us for about a week now.

I have just clapped eyes on their kitten and I believe that it's our old moggy back from the dead in a smaller form — except their kitten's a girl... maybe Henry just fancied a change?

I'll ask him/her when I see him/her how long it'll be before our other old moggy James springs up from the dead?

Toenail Clippings

I had a hippo that came back as a

NEIGHBOUR'S CAT ONCE TOO...

 

ON THE SUBJECT OF STRANGE HOLIDAYS

And so another summer holiday whizzes, so perhaps I should explain some funny (and disturbing) things that happened:

  • My dad parped out loud in a public place.
  • I ate a snail (in garlic, yum).
  • Our car's aerial nearly got snapped off and eaten by a monkey.
  • I found a rat covered in maggots (goes well with carrots and spinach).

The Hazardous Slug

Yuk. Another letter like this you

CARNIVOROUS SLUG AND I'LL CRY

 

KABOOM!

I am back from Scotland with haggis for all! (a vegetarian haggis for Peehs Eht as I don't think he/she wants to eat their relatives) and I have a special giraffe-sized kilt for you WLW.

I met some interesting (if slightly drunk) people with their tales of purple flying elephants that hunt in the boundaries of Bali-Bali.

I am going there myself to join the hunt — anyone who wants to join me is welcome.

Punky Purple Pie

Thank you for my kilt, Punky. I look

THE BEES KNEES...