Mega-Zine
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March 22, 2004

CITIZEN TWIGGY I don't like The Talented Mr Ripley. He's not talented. He's mean. EURGH, the scene in the boat. Poor Jude Law, spoiling his pretty face like that. Matt Damon was creepy in it too.

INSANE JAM SOW How many squares in a game of chess? 66 — 64 on the board, plus the two players. You're meant to stand ON the board?

MATTHIAS MORTIMER ZULU Feel free to add a comment. Can't be bothered.

 

DEVOID OF INTELLIGENCE

DIZZY:"How do you spell transcendent?"
DOTTY:"Why?"
DIZZY:"I'm writing to The Void."
DOTTY:"You have to be clever to get printed on there, it's not like 'Zine."
DIZZY:"I just wanted to try out my new name."
DOTTY:"What's that?"
DIZZY:"DJ Phatty Cool Dude."
DOTTY:"Aren't you glad I stopped you?"
DIZZY:"What does transcendent mean?"

I'm A Little Teapot

Are you suggesting I print any rubbish?

YOU'RE RIGHT!

 

MATTHEW KELLY ROCKS

After watching Matthew's final show of Stars In Their Eyes, a tear came to my eye. The guy is a legend. Ever since I was about seven I can remember him making my Saturday nights.

I always thought it was sheer magic the way you were just yourself before you went through those doors and came out looking like Meat Loaf.

Maybe I should enter the next series — I'd make a great Amy Lee...

Emma-the-lil'-Angel

You should get out more!

THAT SHOW IS RUBBISH

 

WOMEN'S BAD HABITS!

  • They insist on getting a cup every time they want some milk. What's wrong with drinking straight from the carton?
  • They always leave the toilet seat down. This is soooo annoying.
  • They're never single.

Coming soon: Men's Bad Habits. I won't have enough room for that, though.

The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning

Never single?

MOST ARE BRIDGET JONES FOLLOWERS

 

WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY

I'll think you'll find WLW, if that is your real name, that I sent you an e-mail roughly three days, 13 hours, 24 minutes and 17 seconds ago, but it's still not been shown to the 'Zine reading public.

On a lighter note, though, I finally got myself a job. You know those annoying people that ring you up about windows? Hum.

Greatness That Is Me

Now you've given me another

REASON TO IGNORE YOU

 

TURKISH LIRA'S LOVELY

Quite possibly the best currency in the world, methinks.

For the heck of it, I once went into a post office and changed £5 into lira. I got back 9.5 million! I felt so rich, fanning banknotes with all those zeros on them!

Plus, there's a coin denomination called the kuru for it as well. Amazing!

Let's hope that they never join the single currency.

Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller

Our Eurovision correspondent

WILL BE DELIGHTED

 

YOU WHAT?

Don't you just hate it when you really want to send something in to 'Zine but can never think up something? Well, I have come up with an ingenious idea — just don't bother.

I should have thought of my idea before I wrote this e-mail, but then without this e-mail I wouldn't have thought of my idea. Not that it's any use.

What.

Farmer Jack

Thanks for sharing that

I'M GOING TO LOW THE LAWN

 

DR NICK

Surely, he is making these letters up? They cannot be true. Have you read them WLW?

There's no real problems, it's just a bunch of spineless people moaning about their mobile phones.

You have a mission, WLW, to check if Dr Nick is actually getting any letters or if he is just pretending in order to look good.

Citizen Twiggy

Ah, but it works two ways

I COULD HAVE MADE YOUR LETTER UP...