The Mega-Zine Museum
January 23, 2004
SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM So some genius on American Pop Idol threw water over Simon Cowell. Only three words for that — ha ha ha! Letting him through — what a slip up nearly.
THE ONE WITH LITTLE SIGNIFICANCE Hula Hoops are round! They'll stay round! And they'll be around forever! What happened to that advert?
GIOVANNI THE FERRET Jumbo the elephant was named after a German snack called the Hot Dog. I like hot dogs.
SORRY
I've realised the error of my ways. I know now that, of course, you newbie 'Ziners are always right and terribly witty, intelligent and imaginative.
It's quite obvious, of course, that you all know far more than me, and I was a very nasty person to express my own opinions, and it is a terrible, terrible crime for me to actually speak freely.
Bad me. Bad, bad me.
Freshly Squeezed Cynic
I sense an air of sarcasm
JUST A JOT
FISH
This morning I was horrified to learn, while reading the ingredients on a tub of fish food flakes, that the main ingredients are "fish and fish derivatives"! I shudder to think what "derivatives" means.
So it turns out I've been feeding my fish their cousins! They don't seem to mind though, because they're mad for it twice a day.
Fibreglass Monkey
And I always thought
FISH WERE VEGETARIANS
BARE!
The townies where I live have adopted a new word — bare. As in: "Yo, this is bare heavy" and the like. No, I'm not quite sure what the heck they're on about either.
So I've started saying stuff is Yogi, but they don't quite get it. Fools.
A leprechaun called Steve
You're communicating with them?
CAREFUL, THAT SLOPE IS SLIPPERY
SHOCK HORROR!
WLW, whack me witH a Jaffa cake if I'm wrong, but you certainly must be a woman. No self-respecting bloke would receive socks with cats on them for Christmas, as you admitted to possessing! You also alluded to being given a Ronan Keating calendar, heaven forbid.
Therefore, you are either a woman — or Steven Gately.
Purple Raccooness of Doom
I think we all know
I AM A GAY GIRAFFE
WHOOPS
I accidentally left a CD on repeat when I left my uni room yesterday. I also left my mobile phone behind. I was gone for a tad longer than anticipated.
I returned to find various notes on my door/phone from the girl upstairs (a hockey player called Jan — fear her) threatening to kill me in some remarkably inventive and horrific ways next time she sees me.
Oops. Anyone got a safe house handy?
Scared Zaganza
You don't even want to know the noises
MY NEIGHBOUR MADE LAST NIGHT
NICE ONE
To I'm a Little Teapot and Dick, Head Office, cheers for hailing me as a comic genius, I'm genuinely touched.
You rank me right up there with your personal favourites Keith Chegwin, a man who presents TV shows naked, and half a bag of Bassett's Allsorts, aniseed badness, but, hey, whatever floats your boat.
Mr Fahrenheit
I prefer red liquorice myself
THE STRING-LIKE KIND
