The Mega-Zine Museum

November 20, 2003

MAGICAL ME Who first watched a chicken laying an egg and thought, "Right — you're breakfast, you are mate. Don't care where you came from"? Do I look like a history teacher? It's the elbow patches, isn't it?

THE ONE WITH LITTLE SIGNIFICANCE Can I have a consonant please, Carol? Not until you eat all your greens.

FORTUNE'S FOOL I think I think, therefore I think I am... I think? If you say so.

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR MUM'S FRIEND

• "I had a job once. I use to clean elephants."
• "My mum loves Tom Jones."
• "Oh that smells gross! You could have saved it for your own house."
• "What are you doin' here?"
• "You had your hair cut? Bit short, innit?"

Didn't go down terribly well, I have to say.

The Gooner That No Longer Loves Gareth

Saves you listening to them

DRONING ON ABOUT MUM THINGS

HOWDY HI!

'Ello, I'm Farmer Penelope from up North. I contacted 'Zine cos I wanna sell some of my pigs. That's righ', I wanna sell pigs to you lovely people.

Now, you can 'ave Gertrude, Grace or Gormless. Oh no, I have to keep Gertrude and Grace for me special pig fertiliser. Oh, and Gormless for that matter. But hang on, what about Topper? You can 'ave 'im!

Farmer Penelope

The pigs will make

A TASTIER BREAKFAST

WHOOPEE!

I go to an all-boys school, and it's been revealed that we're uniting with the all-girls school a couple of miles away for a disco.

So tell me what you think of these chat-up lines:

• "Have you ever heard the Doors song Hello I Love You?"
• "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
• "Can I borrow your library card? I wanna check you out!"

The Wonky Gnome

If you insist on using one,

MAKE IT THE THIRD

REASONS WHY BROTHERS SUCK

1. They stay on the internet blocking the phoneline so no-one can ring you.
2. They won't share their chips or chocolates.
3. They steal your CDs.
4. They smell.
5. They are selfish.
6. They are immature.
7. They are just plain rubbish.

TheUnitedTruth

So glad there is

ONLY ONE WLW

LLAMAS

I heard recently that on aeroplanes the first-class seats have buttons on the side. One of them is labelled "llama". If you press it, a llama is ejected out of the back of the plane.

Having never been in first class, could somebody please confirm this for me? Also, where do they keep the llamas?

WLW? Would you know?

Apologetic Breadstick

If someone wants to buy me a ticket

I'LL TAKE A TRIP TO CHECK

A THOUGHT

Wouldn't it just be class to be Noel Edmonds? Think about it. For one thing you'd have all these woolly jumpers so you could go out and make fun of sheep.

"Ha ha, I'm wearing your big fat mama's wool," one could say.

And you'd be mates with Mr Blobby. You could go down and have a meal with the Blobbster.

Oh, havoc would be caused indeed!

Big Bob Flapper

Is he still around?

THOUGHT HE RETIRED!

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