The Mega-Zine Museum
July 3, 2003
INFEXION If there are any metal bands around the Essex area needing a bassist gimme a ring! Peace out. The Void can be found on page 162 in future.
THE CYNICAL WOMBLE I have just found out that I work for the devil himself! Not only am I made to stock shelves full of make-up and toiletries, but the company radio has just made Blazin' Squad single of the week! You must be really hard up to work there.
DOUGIE THE MINESWEEPER Mushroom pasta please. You sound like a fun guy.
SWAP SHOP
Seeing as all this space is going to waste, do you mind if I place an ad?
Stuffed crocodile with one leg missing, otherwise in perfect condition. Will swap for a set of bagpipes.
Watch this space, I have a cupboard full of other great stuff.
Acookingegg
That will cost you one evening
WATCHING STEVE IRWIN
A WORM'S EYE VIEW
That Federico fellow on Big Brother bears an uncanny resemblance to Pee Wee Herman.
After what the girls said about his deficiency in the trouser department, maybe Pee Wee would be a good nickname for him.
Justanothersillyname
And Glaswegians call themselves
BIG MAN! HA, THE IRONY
EGGS? HORSES?
In response to Topper, who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg, anyway? It's a complete conspiracy by nursery rhyme illustrators. He could have been anything!
Also, if he was an egg, why would all the King's horses be any good at putting him back together?
The men, yes, but hooves wouldn't be much use with all that broken shell and messy yolk, would they?
Insane Jam Sow
The horses probably licked him up
SORRY, EGG FANS
HELLO 'ZINE
Here's a joke to increase my chances of being printed: Your mum's so old her dreams are in black and white!
Muahahahaha
P.S: Emma the lil' Angel is cool.
P.P.S: So is Magik Munky.
P.P.P.S: But not as cool as Emma.
The Delorean That Got Struck By Lightning
Emma is indeed charming
MORE JENNIFER THAN BIFF I IMAGINE
OWN UP, WHO SAID IT?
Thank you very much, whoever it was who wrote how to say, "You have a big nose" in French. It was such a big help to me.
You see, the day after I read that I had my French orals. And the woman I had to talk to happened to have one massive conk. Seriously, it was huge. And all I could think of was, "grand nez, grand nez!"
Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore
Please tell me no-one used the
GERMAN SWEAR WORDS!
SLURP!
To my Cappuccino, may he digest in peace.
O Cappuccino, Cappuccino, wherefore art thou?
O Cappuccino, Cappuccino, the kettle's on now.
I'm going to taste coffee,
The caffeine will give me a high
O Cappuccino, Cappuccino, your time is nigh!
Queen Niveus Of Coolhaven
You need to switch to de-caff
I FEEL THE RUSH IS TOO MUCH
A LIMERICK FOR YOU
There once was a girl called Samantha,
Who used to stalk WLW like a panther,
One day she got caught,
And even though she fought,
Got caged up in a cell with the Brigadier.
I know it doesn't rhyme at the end but what could be more scary than being put in a cell with him?
Apocalypse Maybe
Serves her right for stalking me
BRIGGIE GOT THE SAME PUNISHMENT
