Mega-Zine
Icon

March 24, 2003

MR SELF DESTRUCT OK, WLW, I'll trade my badger for three of your wombats and a giant sloth. Do we have a deal? Well? Yes, but only if he doesn't smell.

HEWHOCANNOTBENAMED Eeee by gum it's bin a right bad day down t'mill. I've 'ad to go t'hospital to have t'black pudding removed from t'abdomen. If you will insist on a fry-up every day...

THE SLEEPING FISH Everybody, move your feet and feel united! I love you, WLW, Please marry me. Oh, I've gone all red. You won't feel the same when you wake.

 

CONFUSED?

This is the story about four people, named everybody, somebody, anybody and nobody.

There was an important job to be done, and everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought anybody could do it and nobody realised everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that everybody blamed somebody, when actually nobody blamed anybody.

Fibreglass Monkey

That's not funny for

MONDAY MORNING READING

 

FIBREGLASS MONKEY

I've met a 'Ziner! She goes to my university. She was working on a computer in the library, and, 'cos I quite fancy her, I went over to chat.

I asked her what she was up to, and she said she was e-mailing 'Zine, and told me her 'Zine name was Fibreglass Monkey!

So, hello beautiful, this, my first e-mail to 'Zine, is for you.

Teilo The Magic Ball

How nice to know we

UNITE PEOPLE

 

MY BEAUTIFUL WORLD

Here are four reasons why I'm happy about the world.

  1. I go to a school full of townies that walk around with their trousers half way down their butts.
  2. It rains. My puple hair dye runs on my beige coat.
  3. I am obsessed with a dead man — Kurt Cobain.
  4. Townies think I'm a witch because I listen to rock, and scare them.

Jambonica The Psychic

The thought of ruining a good coat

SCARES GRANNY WLW IMMENSELY

 

MONKEY

The show is excellent. The bad dubbing, ridiculous characters, great kung-fu, it's so bad, it's great. I can sing the theme tune too...

Born from an egg on a mountain top
Funkiest monkey that ever faught
He knew every magic trick under the sun
Come along with all the gods and have some fun
Monkey magic x 7
Monkey magic ooooohhh

The Yorkie Bar Kid

Not as good as real monkeys

JUST ASK MICHAEL JACKSON

 

OH JAMBONICA

You may have the more interesting name, but I have a phaser, and I am not afraid to use it.

No, wait, it's just a silver packet of Pringles. Never mindey.

The Brigadier is mine!

The Chocolate-Dipped Trekkie

Share the Pringles and I'll give you

BRIGGIE'S ADDRESS

 

THINGS NOT TO DO

  • Use the neighbours' tortoise for a basketball.
  • Attempt to look for a meaning to I Am The Walrus.
  • Wrestle with your gran.
  • Give a policeman a wedgie.
  • Run into a brick wall.

The One True Mad Omen

I still have scars from my last

RUN-IN WITH A POLICEMAN

 

ZINE

I am Waffle the Tortoise-Keeper. I hereby announce my arrival on the planet, and, as I'm a newbie, I refute the suggestion made on your site that all newbies are smelly.

Fish and old socks are, newbies aren't. With some reasonable exceptions.

Remember my name.

Waffle the Tortoise-Keeper

Good job smells don't waft through TV

ALL NEW THINGS PONG A BIT