The Mega-Zine Museum
March 13, 2003
THE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING PENGUIN Does anyone know where I can buy a proper life from? Let me know about the buy one get one free offer.
THE ALLMIGHTY CORTEX WLW, is that scary picture in the corner actually you? Hmmm. Only when I've drank too much Lemon Fanta while hanging upside down.
A LEPRECHAUN CALLED STEVE If a woodchuck could sell sea shells down by the sea shore, how come nobody would buy any? Well, they're free if you pick your own. Like bogies.
ALTERNATIVE CAKIES
'Ziners would be wise to try the countless other tummy-tickling snacks out there other than Jaffa Cakes.
- Mini-rolls. They rock, it has to be said. They are possibly the funniest snackipoos ever.
- Traditional fairy cakes. Very under-rated.
- Mini muffins. They make up for their lack of size by being incredibly funny.
Triangular Frostbite
Butterfly cakes
GET ME IN A FLAP SOMETIMES
QUESTION FOR THE MASSES
Is there a factory that puts the gravy on the ribs you get at the Chinese takeaway? They always taste the same.
But who does it? Do you have to register with the country of China, who then send a messenger round with the secret formula?
Or is there actually a factory that dunks every rib into a big vat of gravy? I want that job.
Dottedline
Secret ingredients probably live with
THE ONES FOR COKE AND MARS BARS
'ZINEVILLE
Imagine if Mega-zine was a town. We'd have all the hysterical yet marginally insane regulars of this daily Teletext page doing everyday jobs.
For example, we'd have Lucozade Lover working in the local beverage-producing factory, or Farmer Jack working, well, as the farmer.
Oh, and we'd have The Brigadier in the local OAPs' home, consuming port. WLW would be our mayor, of course.
The Blossoming Weed
I like that idea of power
I'D GET DRIVEN EVERYWHERE TOO...
HELLO
I just wanted to say to all those Avril fans out there — get a life!
Go listen to some decent music, for example, Queen!
Men in drag rule and I love Mr Futon.
Mr Futon's Love Puppy
The Queen isn't a man in drag
IS SHE???
TEAM FOO FIGHTERS!
Who wants to join?
All right, calm down, there's enough space for everyone. I know you are all desperate to be members because everyone loves the Foos.
So let's have names people. A list will be constructed.
TheUnitedTruth
They'll all be fighting for a place
GEDDIT, FIGHTING? PLEASE YOURSELF!
CONOR OBERST'S SCREECH IN A BOX
What a cool name. I would love to have Conor Oberst's screech in a box. That way, whenever I was in that sort of mood, I could just open the box and hear him... screeching.
In fact, it would be great to have a collection of boxes with various sounds that I could listen to at any point. That would be great.
Whose voice would you like in a box, WLW?
Kleenex the Cop
There's a few people in the office
I'D LIKE TO SHUT THEIR GOBS
CROWS V BUNNIES
I remember the days of the good old Goats v Squirrels debate on 'Zine.
That might have been played out, but I have a bigger issue along the same lines — Crows or Bunnies, my dears, which are the best?
Lilac Leopard
Bunnies boil up much better
SO A STALKER ONCE TOLD ME
