The Mega-Zine Museum
March 6, 2003
PURPLE PUNK If Heaven was a mile away, would you pack up your bags and leave? If I had my own cloud and endless Jaffa Cakes then I'd be straight over.
THE SUITED STRANGER When the going gets tough, the tough are usually fretting over low-fat dairy alternatives. Or weighing themselves on broken scales.
THE BRIGADIER Would you please desist from calling me Briggie. That is not my correct moniker. Yours, agitatedly. My pages, my words. You take up space I can share with others.
I AM DEEPLY OFFENDED
Now I may be a "newbie" but I am just as worthy of 'Zine as that Flapper boy Bob.
So, as payback and to silence all those old 'Ziners, we newbies would like to wage war on those who mock us and comment on how new we are.
Yes, a war on them and birds with bladders. And, to top it off, we have the Brigadier on our side.
Citizen Twiggy
The Brigadier is ancient. Older than
MY CAR AND JUST AS TYRESOME (GEDDIT)
FARMER JACK
Oi, what do you mean dragons don't exist? I'm very real, thank you very much, as are eskimos. In fact, one of my friends is one.
I demand an apology on behalf of all dragons and eskimos in the world.
Jaded Dragon
OK, don't set my hair on fire!
YOU KEEP COOL IN THE IGLOO
OK, SO WHERE DO I COME?
I feel I need to know my place. Am I an oldie Ziner? My first letter printed was in May 2001 so I'm not a newbie anymore.
I know I don't write in so much as I used to, but my imagination is severely limited to straw hats and flumps, which don't make good topics of debate.
The 12th Lemon
Flumps! I long for someone to talk
ABOUT THEM, OLD FRIEND
TO THE CHOCOLATE-COVERED TREKKIE
Listen to me, Trekkie. I'm the head of the Dover Trekkies. You can have the slightly less demented realm of Birmingham, or even Weymouth, but don't come near Dover.
Unless, that is, we can come to some agreement regarding beryllium crystals, or even just latinum.
Gor'ak T'uk Partuk.
Matthias Mortimer Zulu
His cover is being melted
AS HE NEARS THE WHITE CLIFFS
TOAST
Toast, toast
Lovely, lovely toast
With your preserve or Marmite
You are much better than the Sunday roast
A masterpiece for sure, no? No?!
Oh, suit yourself.
Cockney London Person
No. Davord dishes up a fine roast
HIS TOAST IS LIKE CHARCOAL
WHAT'S GOING ON?
Huh? Huh? Well what have you got to say for yourself WLW? I mean, you havn't printed me since the e-mail address changed, and I'm sure that I'm not being stooopid and writing the address wrong.
Or maybe my letters suddenly suck. Not that they didn't before.
Say something, WLW, anything, please, just one small sarcastic comment will do.
Anxious Aardvark
Anxiety has a thrill like
SIPPING LEMON FANTA BACKWARDS
AVRIL LAVIGNE... AGAIN
I've worked out why her music sounds like it does — she has no ears!
Think about it. Have you ever seen her ears?
No! She always has hair in the way!
Suspicious...?
Satan's Rubber Duck
If she can paint too
THEN WE'VE CAUGHT HER
