Mega-Zine
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January 8, 2003

AMMOPOGO Put your hands up if you like goats. I like goats. More into the giraffe thing myself though. Me too — goats is good but giraffes is gooder.

GENIUS AT WORK Unfortunately, time can only be wasted if you had something useful to do in the first place. Which reminds me, who's got the situations vacant section of my Fulham Bugle?

MATTHIAS MORTIMER ZULU Granny WLW, can we have our ball back please? Wouldn't bother — she'll have burst it by now.

 

WHAT THE...?

The other week, I was about to watch an episode of a programme. But my sister was very insistent that I had seen it the week before. But I couldn't remember a single detail of it.

Is she seriously trying to suggest that I... hang on, where was I?

Gnuffo1

Dunno, I'm always forgetting stuff

DUNNO, I'M ALWAYS FORGETTING STUFF

 

EARPHONES

Left ear syndrome. That happened to me ages ago with the earphones falling out of my ear. But if you are really into music and want to wreck your ears further, I would invest a tenner into getting the ones that hook round your ear.

Put the volume up full blast — you can feel your head vibrate.

Hours of amusement, believe me.

Purple Punk

Were you on my train this morning?

MY HEAD WAS VIBRATING TO AVRIL!

 

POT NOODLE INSTRUCTIONS

What the back of a Pot Noodle pot SHOULD say:

  1. Remove lid and add boiling water.
  2. Leave for 3 minutes, forget about it, end up coming back 20 minutes later.
  3. Poke disinterestedly with a fork for 20 mins.
  4. Throw away or leave on bedroom window sill to grow green fuzz.

Evil Tongs

Excellent for

GROUTING THE BATHROOM TOO

 

A LETTER WHICH SHOULD GO TO B*CKCH*T

A happy New Year to one and all! I was in my home town of Exmouth (one of the top three places to be on New Year's Eve in the country) and had a great night — until I realised that I still really like my ex, who I'd spent most of the night with, only to see her go off with her new man, "Rob".

I'm not bitter. No wait, yes I am.

Any words of wisdom, WLW?

Sam Got A Snorkel

Yes — the frog jumps over the lily pad,

BUT THE CHICKEN NEVER SLEEPS

 

A LIST OF THINGS WE FOUND DUMPED IN OUR STREET AFTER NEW YEAR'S EVE

It should provide an insight into a Doncastrian New Year:

  1. Seven For Sale signs
  2. Three traffic cones
  3. One concrete bollard
  4. A fluffy toy rabbit

Actually, I made the last one up, but I had to add some excitement somewhere. The people of Doncaster are sleep inducing, no?

Lilac Leopard

Well, traffic cones and bollards are

NOT EXACTLY GROUNDBREAKING JAPES

 

MEGA-ZINE

People I would like to see in a "tussle" with Mike Tyson:

  • Blazin' Squad
  • S Club Juniors

Well, that's it really, but I'll make sure that Avril Lavigne walks round the ring with the advertising board. And there'll be free Jaffa Cakes too.

Interested?

Farmer Jack

Blazin' Squad gettin' pulped

AND JAFFA CAKES? I'M THERE

 

'ZINERS

Greetings from the 'Zine afterlife. All you young pips ruling 'Zine these days, there's a whole generation of you who don't know about the old school 'Zine days, and that's sad. To you, the old days means Fluffy, Le Enfant, etc...

But there was a time before that... (cue wavy dream-like camera work and harps)... where Miss Tristesse used to complain about how dolls were becoming uglier, Lara Croft and PC Stu were married and JSP was on here regularly.

Self Obsession Honey

As were you — where have you been?

DID YOU BECOME A GROWN UP?