The Mega-Zine Museum
October 25—26, 2002
YELLOW JELLO If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being — you'd be a gameshow host. Yellow Jello... COME ON DOWN!
EMMA-THE-LIL'-ANGEL I think the time has come when I have to actually admit to liking, no wait, loving Scooter. Nowt short of a complete basket case.
THE DUCK IN THE HAT Why do I do it? Why do I choose to go camping... TWICE... in OCTOBER! Dunno, you have a thing for rolling about in a field of cow poop?
BAD POINTS ABOUT BEING WLW
- You only get Saturday off — Sunday is not a day of rest at WLW Towers
- You work for the same company as that infernal Bamber Boozler bloke (p152, in case you didn't know)
- You have to read insane e-mails from insane people, day in, day out, and will probaly go mad one day
But apart from that, I imagine WLW's job is pretty good!
Evil Tongs
And having to listen to Mabel Mop
TALKING INCESSANTLY ABOUT HER VEINS
OLD LADY PATROL
part 2
This is sooooo scary! In town with my friends, we saw two old ladies walking together. I wasn't paying too much attention to them, but I noticed their hair was kinda big and weird... and EXACTLY the same.
Then I looked at them properly... and they were wearing the same clothes, not a uniform but their own clothes! A long weird flowery skirt, matching top, big coat and clutching identical handbags.
Old lady twins... WEIRD.
The Dimgirl (from the molehole)
Granny WLW has a twin — a brickie
FROM WIGAN CALLED MO. NICE LADY.
MATHEMATICAL PROBLEMS
Trying to work out the probability that I might get printed, I figured that by sending letters, you're nine times more likely to get printed.
Grovelling to WLW adds even more weight to your chances and including a packet of Jaffa Cakes in the letter means it's almost a dead cert.
Considering I have done none of the above, I'm wasting my time.
Genius at Work
Well, well, well... look who got lucky!
AND IT'S A QUIET DAY, SO...
BISCUITS
OK, the best biscuits have to be Sainsbury's American Creams Maple Syrup. I need a self-help group because I am addicted to them.
Now that L'Etoile has gone north to Manchester (hello, Manchester!), I have no one to hide the biscuit box. Help!
La Mere de L'Etoile
Forward them all to me... immediately.
IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, REALLY.
POETRY CORNER
My first attempt at Poetry Corner (to the tune of My Old Man's A Dustman)
My old man's a toothbrush
He doesn't give a damn
And when he shops at Tesco
He buys his weight in ham
You'd think that he was Polish
But you're thinking of his nan
I don't know why I call him dad
He's not even a man
What do you think?
Jambon Magnetique
It has humour, pathos, it rhymes...
QUITE FRANKLY, 'TIS A MASTERPIECE
EASY LISTENING TOP TEN:
- Little Ole Wine Drinker Me — Dean Martin.
- Up Up And Away — Andy Williams.
- Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head — B J Thomas.
- Walk On By — Dionne Warwick.
- I've Got You Under My Skin — Frank Sinatra.
- Girl From Ipanema — Astrud Gilberto
- Wonderful World — Louis Armstrong
- Magic Moments — Perry Como
- Let There Be Love — Nat King Cole.
- The Candyman — Sammy Davis Jr.
Cardi-man
Dad, this has got to stop —
IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER
SHAME ON YOU 'ZINERS!
What are you all thinking of, giving that Wolves-supporting dude a hard time? Don't you think his life is hard enough? And anyway, he's right, WBA ARE rubbish!
Supporting a great club with a long and proud history is nothing to be ashamed of, it shows you have footballing soul.
It's better than all you fools who plump for marketing organisations like "Man-U" or "Chel-C".
Lon Chaney Jr
Wolves... Wolves... I remember now!
USED TO BE BIG, RIGHT?
