The Mega-Zine Museum
October 6, 2002
SPIKE BLUNT WLW, when you were young, what did you want to be? A racing driver or a games maker? Did you ever see yourself as a Teletext page editor? Funnily enough, wasn't top of my list.
THE ARTIST NOW KNOWN AS EXIT (By Deed Poll) ...and let's have a look at what you could've won... a four-slice toaster! Who eats four slices at once?
SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK Aren't totem poles splendid? So magnificent, yet so useless. Y'know what? You're right!
TRAGEDY
Last week, I decided to pop down to Asda to buy some chocolate raisins, that's when I saw it... on one of the shelves near the book section was written the word... magazines!
This is obviously a complete copy of Mega-zine. I demand you sue!
iwasthemusicman
The 'Zine lawyers are on the case —
THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN
PARRONO FOR GUBBINS!
When I have spare time, I create new and basically stupid words (when I'm not watching Bargain Hunt of course).
I think Mega-zine should create a word for something, eg parrono for hurrah.
You get the picture, right? It is fun, I promise.
The Gibbon With The Trifle
Waaaay too much spare time...
WAAAAY, WAAAAY TOO MUCH
PILCHARDS
I had to laugh at a magazine article I read about the National Maritime Museum in Cornwall.
Among all the usual boats and exhibitions stuff, the museum has a "reconstructed sail loft and pilchard cellar" to "bring alive some of the industries associated with the sea".
Apparently, it will appeal to visitors of all ages and backgrounds.
So, if you want to learn about the pilchard industry, Cornwall is the place to go.
Captain Slog
I think we all know someone who'll be
BESIDE THEMSELVES AT THE THOUGHT
A NEW STYLE
Let's see... how can I re-invent myself? What if I become interesting? No, too risky. What if I offer new ideas in a humorous way? No, I'm too thick to do that every two days.
What if I change my name? I know, I'll call myself Kellogulation! Brilliant!
Oh wait, that's been done. I'll just shorten my name then.
Behold:
A Leper Called Steve
Hmmm... you know what?
I THINK I PREFERRED LEPRECHAUN
ALTERNATIVE FIRST VERSES OF NATIONAL ANTHEMS
Part one
The Welsh National Anthem:
My hen laid a haddock
On top of a tree
We cooked it and tried it
And had it for tea
Thank you, thank you. What a way to spend the final five minutes of prize evening, eh?
Teenage Flirtbag
Five minutes?
THIS TOOK YOU FIVE MINUTES?
ADVANTAGES OF HAVING NO FRIENDS
- You always get at least two seats to yourself on the bus
- Christmas becomes quite a cheap event for you
- You never have to wait in a queue because everyone mysteriously vanishes the minute you join one
- You don't have to worry about looking good because you never go out
The Little Silver Moonbaby
You see?
EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING
THE WAY AND THE LIGHT
The other day, you sent a letter about Safeway barcodes and the womanising effect they have had on you.
Well, due to a mistake on your part, a deliberate edit by WLW or my TV reception playing tricks on me, the fifth number of the barcode for half a cucumber was missing!
Tell me what this number was, please. I need to know. The continuation of my life in its present state depends upon it.
Satan's Rubber Duck
Half a cucumber? Wasn't it a whole one?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST ASKED THAT
