Mega-Zine
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September 15, 2002

PINK MAFIA Why is everyone on the Trisha show from Essex or Bolton? And why do all the women have tattoos? And why do... I'm getting too involved, aren't I? I think so. Deep breaths now.

GREEN GLUE I know what you are. You're a cowboy aren't ya? Yes siree, pardner.

COW IN THE SHED I like my men, like I like my coffee, hot strong and sweet like toffee, oh... Good grief, whatever happened to those multi-talented, jolly complex young ladies?

 

LITTLE BROTHERS

I do not see the point in the maddening little creatures. It seems that their only joy (when not provided with an assortment of Lego) is to pester their elder sisters constantly.

If they whinge or complain, they usually get what they want. If their sister behaves in such a manner, she gets yelled at.

However, for a small fee of a lolly or a handful of sweets, they will do almost anything!

Hell's Angel

Just keep the Lego coming —

IT'S THE ONLY ANSWER

 

LESSONS LEARNED SINCE ARGUING WITH MUM:

  • Cooking is not fun. Neither is burning your hand on the oven.
  • Ironing shirts is harder than it looks, In fact, using the iron is harder than it looks.
  • The washing machine may only have four buttons, but I still don't know what they do.
  • The dishwasher is not foolproof.
  • Always be good to mum!

Paragon

Cooking? Ironing? Washing?

WHAT ARE THESE STRANGE PHENOMENA?

 

MY TRIP TO LONDON

Here's some of the exciting things I did in London:

  • Got woken up at 7:30 so we could go to a war museum.
  • Got thrown out of Madame Tussauds for knocking Fidel Castro over.
  • Counted the thousands upon thousands of Pret a Mangers.

What a wonderful time we had. The seven hour trip back was even more exciting.

hewhocannotbenamed

7 hours back? Where do you live...

ICELAND?

 

WHAT I DID TODAY

  1. Knocked on my neighbour's door and ran off.
  2. Tried to push the middle bit out a two pound coin.
  3. Trained my dog to bark the tune of The Logical Song.
  4. Switched my cousin's Peter Pan video for Scream 3.
  5. Sent this e-mail.

Bob, Your Uncle

You're a bit of a scamp

ON THE QUIET, AREN'T YOU?

 

WLW

You know that feeling? The one where everything seems to fall into place? Where I think I wrote a really funny e-mail that's bound to end up on the pages of 'Zine and then it doesn't? Well I do!

PRINT ME!

Thank you, that is all.

No Coincidence

Blimey... that's me told!

YOUR WISH, ETC ETC

 

MY 'ZINE AWARDS VOTES

Best 'Ziner:Dimgirl from the Molehole
Best 'Ziner Name:Psychotic Goat Overlord
Most Memorable WLW Comment:"I'm a gay giraffe with a penchant for Coco Pops, k?"
Best Topic Of Discussion:The merits of Irn Bru (started, I think, by Kilted Englishman)

Of course, WLW, all your comments are memorable. Erm... honest.

Samurai Hedgehog

Oooh, good recovery —

JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO DELETE YOU

 

SOOTY

When I was younger, this was good. I recently found it on ITV while channel surfing and they've wrecked it!

Who the heck are these two new puppets? Who's that girl? Since when did they run a hotel?

Why do they think Carol Smillie covered in paint is funny? Actually...

A Leprechaun Called Steve

Not the same, is it?

NEW FANGLED LA-DI-DA IDEAS