The Mega-Zine Museum
September 10, 2002
SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK As the abysmal I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here demonstrated, Ant and Dec are the biggest pair of eejits since... ages ago. And their foreheads are growing! Who the wotsit is Nell thingy?
HEWHOCANNOTBENAMED What is the point of me wasting £4 a month cutting my hair when it grows back the next month? Pff, barbers. Bald is the future.
BOB, YOUR UNCLE WLW, was this how you pictured your life? No. I thought I'd be on a beach somewhere, selling beers.
FROM A TOP SECRET MAFIA OWNED BY ME
WLW, I know who you are. Me and my mafia, which cannot be named, have all your details at our headquarters. Your name is William Lewis Waddington and on November 3 it will be your 39th birthday.
You're single, have no qualifications and your parents are from California.
So, how incorrect am I?
Me (mentally disturbed)
Put it this way — there's close and
THERE'S MILES AWAY. YOU DECIDE
WLW's IDENTITY
I think I may have solved the puzzle. My big brother, the Unspeakable Snitchet, owns a cuddly giraffe by the name of Raffy.
It seems remarkably clever, is neither male nor female (despite being somehow rather camp), and it wears an Arsenal scarf.
Along with the information that WLW is a gay giraffe, I believe that WLW is in fact, Raffy! Which means he lives in our house.
And to think I never knew...
Bob Snitchet
And I know what you're up to
WHEN YOU THINK THE HOUSE IS EMPTY
JUST THINK...
When I first sent a message to the 'Zine, Shaggy was number one, there had only been one Big Brother, Countdown was only half an hour long, Estonia hadn't won Eurovision... and Will and Gareth who?
I was a mere GCSE student, a naive youngster with an ambition to be on Teletext.
And now, so far on, look what has become of me — reduced to nostalgia in the hope of getting printed!
Insane Jam Sow
But it worked though, didn't it?
I'M A SUCKER FOR NOSTALGIA
WLW
Do you have a database thingy with EVERY letter that's been sent in?
If you get a new 'Ziney name writing in, can you work out if it's an existing 'Ziner trying really hard to get printed? Just a thought.
By the way... bet you can't guess who I am!
Crusty Gherkin
A database? Here at WLW Towers?
LIKE WE'RE THAT SOPHISTICATED
DEAR WALTER LARRY WARBURTON
Having recently submitted a list of what scarecrows are good at, I thought I'd submit another. This time though, it's entitled 'What S Club Juniors are good at':
- Being small
Well, that's it really, but if you can think of any more, don't think twice about adding them!
Farmer Jack
Can I add
WHINY AND THOROUGHLY IRRITATING?
EVIL BUS DRIVERS
Yesterday, when it was raining, we were about a metre from the stop and the bus was waiting because of the traffic lights.
So I knocked on the door to be let on with my friends and the bus driver gave us a quizzical look and said: "What?"... and then drove off!
The absolute rudeness — He could have let us on. I now declare that the whole 'Zine community should boycott 85 buses!
Agreed? Good.
TheUnitedTruth
Absolutely —
NO MORE 85 BUSES FOR ME
DEAR 'ZINE
I am in awe of the wonder that is Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights. Not in a good while have I laughed so much at a piece of televisual genius.
And I have seen the man himself live in concert. In the FRONT row!
Peter Kay will save us all.
Lola the In Awe Showgirl
If there's ANYONE left who hasn't seen
PHOENIX NIGHTS... IT'S A COMEDY GEM
