Mega-Zine
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September 5, 2002

SUGARED VENOM Yer good, kid, but yer no WLW. Next! And yer tap dancing leaves a lot to be desired, too.

DEMENTED COOKIE So, MSP are releasing a greatest hits album entitled Forever Delayed. Why can't it be just that? And "greatest hits"? What's that about?

SAMURAI HEDGEHOG I think ITV should do Britain's Sexiest Teletext Editors. It'd be close between WLW and Earls, but gay giraffes are in this year. Not something to consider before lunch.

 

WLW

I can't remember who the 'Ziner was, but I did notice they, too, come from the hellhole that is Banbury!

Actually, it isn't a hellhole, really. It's just a wee bit boring and full of all these posh girls who try to be greebo but can't quite manage it and look all pretty... grrrr. And nowt much to do!

There's a jolly good record shop and a groovy folk club every Wednesday night at the arts centre, though.

Tiger In Blueprint

A groovy folk club?

CONTRADICTION IN TERMS, NO?

 

IBIZA ALBUM NO.348

Straight from the island full of nobodies, it's another annoying Ibiza album mixed by some faceless bloke with 30 banging tunes you've already got in a different order and including 24 versions of Scooter's Logical Song!

WLW, there's more chance of me signing for your beloved Arsenal and scoring 40 goals a season than of me buying that!

Subatomic Genius

More chance of Arsenal signing Scooter

THAN ME BUYING IT!

 

WHY ARE THERE NO PRETZELS?

Do you remember those wonderful snacks that were chocolate-covered pretzels? An amazing combination of white or milk chocolate on a savoury pretzel. I thank the genius who discovered them.

But now, after walking down to my local Somerfield, I've discovered they are no longer on sale. Why? This is a tragedy which must be stopped.

Bring back chocolate-covered pretzels, I say! Is anyone with me?

The Sheep In Polka-Dot Socks

I'm with you!

I LOVED THEM

 

ICELAND

I thought I'd write and tell you about my day at Iceland:

  • Taped up the drawers so they couldn't be opened
  • Used the trolleys as scooters
  • Climbed on the freezers and tried to jump from one to the other (and fell)
  • Put REDUCED stickers on important members of staff
  • Lay on moving conveyor belts

I think we also served a few customers — not sure.

The Devil's Avocado

So, those very long queues

ARE DOWN TO YOU, EH?

 

THE WORLD'S BEST JOBS

  1. Chocolate taster (obviously)
  2. Ferrari and/or Jaguar tester
  3. Scarecrow (you don't have to do anything)
  4. Any job that involves WLW

Psychiatrist's Nightmare

Can you remember which one of the five

I'VE HAD TO TAKE OUT? NAUGHTY!

 

WLW

Please help me! After returning from Portugal, the nasty men at the airport took my goats away and said I could get them back in six months.

Then, I go out skateboarding and fracture my arm, and now have a large titanium plate in it.

Can I please have a piccie of a goat to cheer me up? Or a large titanium plate?

Drawing of a face with a goatee beard.

Psychotic Goat Overlord

Goat? Goat, you say?

DAMN — THOUGHT YOU SAID GOATEE

 

DAWSON'S CREEK

Has anyone else discovered this gem? If so, can you tell me why I like it enough to spend two hours every morning watching it, and be upset to discover I'll have to wait another three weeks for the new series?

WLW, do you watch T4 in the mornings, while you ponder over whether printing mad Ziners' letters is enough to justify the continuation of your life?

Creek's Dawson

I tend to give the Creek a miss —

TOO MUCH ANGST IN ONE SHOW!