The Mega-Zine Museum
May 10—11, 2002
INSANE JAM SOW Do the short, content-free messages, designed solely to infiltrate page one, ever get on your nerves? No, in fact, I need more!
SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK Aren't those nice machines they use to take your shoe size comfier than the shoes themselves? Yes, but they rarely come in black.
THE DIMGIRL FROM THE MOLEHOLE Aaargh, exams! Please, WLW, can you do them for me? I did once stop you from drowning! You broke in! I was in the bath!
IF 'ZINERS WERE SEASONS:
| Winter | — | NinjaCow (my personal snowman) |
| Summer | — | Broccoli The Evil One (ice creams and festivals) |
| Spring | — | Milton and Me (bouncy like a spring lamb) |
| Autumn | — | The Man With The Golden Bun (like lovely crunchy leaves) |
The Perplexed Ninja Crow
And what about constant wind and rain?
THAT'S ME TODAY, THAT IS
DECISIONS, DECISIONS...
WLW, I've had time to think and there are lots of questions to answer:
Hedgehogs or Porcupines?
Cats or Dogs?
Skittles or Jolly Ranchers?
Coke or Pepsi?
Lady Penelope or Penelope Pitstop?
Jarvis Cocker or Damon Albarn?
Westlife or a1? (Nah, I didnt really ask that).
I needed to share this with ya'll.
Big Bob Flapper
I have a question — Bop Bop Baby...
WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
I NEED HAPPIED UP!
By the time you print this, WLW, my Standard Grade (that's the Scottish equivalent of GCSEs for all you English peeps out there) exams will have started.
By now, I'll probably have failed French. So, can you draw me something special to cheer me up?
Satan's Rubber Duck
Here's a pic of the exact same ball
THAT RANGERS WON THE CUP WITH!
IF ZINERS WERE HAIRSTYLES...
Mortal Wombat your, wish is my command:
| The Afro: | Broccoli |
| The Mullet: | Parsley Possum |
| The Dodgy Perm: | She Who Lost The Plot |
| The Crew Cut: | Uneducated Shampoo |
| The Pony Tail: | Milton And Me |
| The Ben From A1 Hair: | Jezza |
Fluffy The Evil Hairstylist
You left me out I notice...
VERY WISE
THINGS THAT ANNOY MY MUM:
- Bobbly bits on the pavement by a pelican crossing.
- Unreachable bird poop on the window upstairs.
- Those days when it's hot, wet, cold and dry: "You just don't know what to wear!"
- Not being mentioned on 'Zine.
- Being humiliated on 'Zine for being annoyed by really stupid things.
The One With Little Significance
I sympathise with the bird poop thing —
WHERE IS MY AIR GUN BY THE WAY?
WLW AND FELLOW 'ZINERS
For my contribution to poetry corner, I'm going to add this small, but moving and poignant piece of literary prose.
Here goes:
I wish I was a woolly worm,
with hair upon my tummy.
I'd crawl across a pot of glue,
and make my tummy gummy!
So, what do you think?
Last Splash
In words of
HOW MANY SYLLABLES?
TOP 10 UNFAIRLY DISCRIMINATED AGAINST ANIMALS:
- Foxes
- Lizards
- Moths
- Worms
- Bats
- Rats
- Wasps
- Snakes
- Wolves
- Spiders
Show 'em some love, people!
Sugared Venom
And badgers, kids —
BIG SHOUT OUT TO THE BADGERS
