Mega-Zine
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May 5, 2002

THE PERPLEXED NINJA CROW If I was really big person, I would change my name to Boris so it would be even easier to scare people. A perplexed ninja crow sounds scary enough to me.

LOOPY LIL Don't knock on death's door — ring his bell and run away. He really hates it. And you were such a sweet kid when you were younger.

BIG BOB FLAPPER Today, I met a man wearing a green suit and a kipper tie. Honest to God, a kipper tie! Davord?

 

WLW IS FEMALE

The incomplete proof:

  1. She has a cat — how many men do you know with a cat under 70?
  2. She loves chocolate — do men tell you all the time they love chocolate?
  3. She slags people with no spots who eat chocolate — how many men worry about spots?

There you have it. Either female, or possibly a gay man in spandex.

Willow Windoleen

Have you ever heard of the phrase

'SWEEPING GENERALISATION', MISSY?

 

'ZINE RELIGION

That is such a great idea! We could all build Hindu-style shrines in our back gardens of WLW and Mavis, and possibly The Brigadier(?)... sort of arch-angels!

And we could print all of the rantings and insane gibberings of the usuals as a sort of religious text.

Perhaps WLW, you could draw us all a picture of what one of those shrines might look like?

Your friend,

Johnny Painter

Darn, I was just about to...

UNTIL WE RAN OUT OF ROOM

 

PERSONALITY TEST

I answered seven questions on the internet and a three-year plan of my life was unveiled as follows:

1st year—I achieve the unimaginable and have few problems.
2nd year—To deal with social isolation and intellectual honour, I must develop logical mastery over my emotions.
3rd year—I will be hailed as a genius and people will flock to me.

How good does that sound?

The Gingerbread Frog.

It sounds fantastic! I did it —

IT ADVISED ME TO RETIRE TO CUBA

 

ODE TO THE TEABAG

Oh teabag,
thou art a bag
that is filled with tea.
Oh teabag,
but why do you come in pyramids?

I blame it on the chimps.

She Who Lost The Plot

Poetry Corner is all the richer for

THIS SIMPLE, STRAIGHTFORWARD GEM

 

RICH TEA BISCUITS

Having been slated recently, I feel I should stand up for these little baked snack-type things and say that there's nothing wrong with Rich Tea biscuits!

They are not boring, it's merely a matter of knowing how to make them more exciting! Icing for example.

WLW, wot's your fave biccy?

Coca Cola Junkie with the Monkey

Plain chocolate Rich Tea! Really!

SUDDENLY, I'M VERY HUNGRY...

 

TEN WONDERFUL BRITISH THINGS:

  1. Catatonia
  2. Robot Wars
  3. Eccles cakes
  4. Afternoon tea
  5. Affleck's Palace
  6. 'Zine
  7. Blur
  8. Chelsea FC (I know it's risky to say this before the Cup Final)
  9. The Conservative Party
  10. Her Majesty the Queen.

Rule Britannia!

Sapphistication

The Cup Final was yesterday —

I ONLY HOPE IT'S ME WHO'S SMILING!

 

WLW AND 'ZINERS

The topic of teachers comes up repeatedly, but I believe I have a rather amusing physics teacher.

He deliberately uses squeaky white board marker pens of varying colours. He also often speaks in French, goes climbing all over the place and has a climbing wall in his garage.

And he says he has some sort of seasonal depression problem, but I don't think he does.

Frank The Potato

Aaaahh... seasonal depression, yes —

I GET IT, 12 MONTHS A YEAR